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It was 2009. I was 28...

May 17, 2019

“It was 2009. I was 28. My ex-husband had moved out a few months prior. I had two kids already and I was barely able to support them. I didn't date due to residual issues with my ex and not feeling worthy, but also because I didn't want to end up in another situation where I was dependent on a man. One night I took my kids to my ex's apartment and he asked if I wanted to have a drink. One thing led to another... On the way home I thought I should get a Plan B the next day, but I didn't have $50. Because of stress and other health issues it was not uncommon for me to miss periods or even go months without one, so I didn't pay much mind to not getting one. And I was a single mom with little kids, of course I was always tired. Then I realized my breasts didn't fit in my bra and I had gas all the time and I would get lightheaded when I would stand up. I knew when I took the test.

 

At first, I only told my ex and my boss. I didn't want anyone else to know because whatever decision I made, I needed it to be completely mine. My ex said he'd support whatever I wanted to do. I asked him if he'd sign over his rights so I could place the baby up for adoption, but he said he couldn't go through with it. I probably wouldn't have been able to either. We both knew getting back together was not an option, and I didn't have the means to add a third kid to the mix on my own. Plus, I was trying hard to break away from him as much as I could.

 

I made an appointment. I picked up extra shifts at my part time job. I sold all my CDs and DVDs. He chipped in too. I was able to get a medical abortion. It was a lot like having a miscarriage. Painful but not any worse than a bad period. I did experience some depression afterwards but in time I made peace with it. I also decided right then that I was going to go back to school and make a better life for myself and my kids.

 

I did. I'm a teacher now. We're in a much better place. I don't know if I would've achieved this if I'd had the baby. I probably wouldn't have, or it would've taken a lot longer. If asked if I regret it, I always say no. I wish I could go back and not have gotten pregnant at all. I wish I had not had sex, or made him wear a condom or withdraw, or gotten that plan B. I regret needing the abortion but not having it. If you are reading this and feeling guilty or depressed about your abortion, please know that it does get better. The right choice isn't always an easy one, but in the end, you have to do what's right for you.” - Anonymous

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