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I always had safe sex...

May 7, 2019

Content warning: abusive relationship

 

“I always had safe sex. I was on birth control (the pill) and I got off it because it gave me lots of headaches and nausea and made me gain a lot of weight. I knew having unprotected sex would end up getting me pregnant and that wasn’t what I had planned for right now. While trying to get on a different form of birth control, after sex I would just take Plan B, until one time my partner was aware of it and he got very angry. That’s already a manipulative sign; if you’re not ready for a baby, your partner should not pressure you to be. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. At this point I was no longer taking Plan B since it threw off my period – I was just trying to find another form of birth control.

 

This relationship was toxic. Every time I tried to get out of it, he would come to my house looking for me, crying and begging for me to forgive him, saying that he loves me and is very sorry for the way he was acting. As soon I took him back we would be good, and then he would forget and be controlling & verbally abusive. He would make me feel less of myself when all I did was try to be the best girlfriend I could be. I went to the clinic and found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself, ‘well I tried to prevent this but now that it’s here, I’m keeping this baby.’ When I told my partner, he wasn’t so happy. He was overwhelmed and he started being very distant from me. He would ignore me and leave me alone and not even talk to me. I was mostly feeling sick and tired. I just wanted to rest. He would call me handicap and say that I was exaggerating. There’s lots of things that come with being pregnant - you’re not yourself, trust me. What was happening to me was out of my control. We would argue a lot about the dumbest things. I would just cry myself to sleep asking myself, ‘how did I allow this to happen.’

 

I started to get into a big depression. I tried to be strong but one day he told me he was ‘ashamed that I was having his baby.’ That was it for me; with all my emotions being all over the place, I decided to make an appointment. I kept thinking, ‘I can’t have an abortion. This is not something I want to choose.’ Trust me, nobody ever does. Best believe you can’t judge anybody unless you're going through it too. Afterwards, I went through a really dark phase because it was really sad, especially because I had a late term abortion. I kind of grew attached. If I decide to have a baby in the future, I will make sure it is a planned pregnancy that is something me and my partner will be on the same page about.” - Rose

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