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A few days before my 21st birthday...

April 11, 2019

“A few days before my 21st birthday I had my best friend coming down from Perth to spend the weekend celebrating my birthday. I remember it was the 29th of January, 2 days before she arrived. I had taken a pregnancy test because I hadn’t had a period in 30 days. I thought this was just because I was under stress but the lines that appeared showed otherwise. My heart was racing, and I didn’t really know what to feel. I was filled with many emotions. I was upset, overwhelmed, scared and numb. It took me ages to build up the courage to tell my Fiancé. He told me he didn’t want to have another kid until we were married. I was ok with that. Well, at least I thought I was. I went to my ultrasound 2 days after I had found out. I was 5 weeks and the baby was healthy. I kept the ultrasound photo and I can’t really answer why I did that. My partner doesn’t even know of the photo.

 

It was a Wednesday, 3 days after my birthday and I was sitting in the waiting room for my surgery. My partner was at work and I felt like I could do this. I remember laying on the cold bed and being wheeled into the room. I remember seeing the equipment and the nurses that started to approach me. Were they judging me? It looked like they had so much disbelief that a 21-year-old with a 4-year-old was doing this. I overthought for what felt like hours until the surgeon put me under. I woke up cold and sore, I didn’t feel anything but numbness. I was numb. I had no emotions. Two months have passed by and to be honest I do regret the abortion at times, but I know it was the best thing to do for everyone. I’m now spending my time wondering about what the baby would have been, what they would have looked like and it’s personality…” - Courtney

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