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I had my first child...

January 10, 2019

Content warning: mentions of suicide

 

“I had my first child in August 2017, with a man I’d been with for 5 years. I was 21 years old when we welcomed our daughter into this world. This new role as a mother changed me in so many ways. I forgave my fiancé for cheating on me my entire pregnancy and we got married 10 days after I’d given birth. My daughter was 9 months old when he left us for another woman. He moved out and I kept on decent terms with this man for the sake of my daughter. He was not a bad father by any means and for that I held some respect for him.

 

His new girlfriend left him and his choices to abandon his chances of a ‘perfect family’ caught up to him. On October 1, 2018 he committed suicide. This was grief on a level I never thought possible. Looking into our now one-year-old daughter’s eyes as she smiles and sobbing uncontrollably for her future grief.

 

Since he’d left, I’d started dating another man. A man who told me he couldn’t believe anyone could treat me like that. A man who stayed by my side through the darkest times of my grief. A man who let me lay in bed for three straight days, barely conscious, after I’d personally discovered the ‘successful’ suicide. When I found out I was pregnant, again, with this man’s child, and I look at my 18-month-old daughter, all I could think was that I would be so selfish to bring a sibling with a father into this world.

 

Accommodated with a multitude of other feelings my decision to abort was instantaneous. I had pregnancy PTSD, I had anxiety of telling people I was pregnant with someone else’s child while still grieving my ‘husband’, & I became extremely depressed. I had a medical abortion on January 1, 2019. While it’s too early to fully comprehend my feelings of my situation, I believed there was no other way. Thank you.”  —Anonymous

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