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It wasn't the time after a grueling degree...

November 29, 2018

“It wasn't the time after a grueling degree. I finally got to go on my second practicum that I had been working toward for years and gain valuable experience right out of school. Halfway through my second practicum, I peed on a stick and I realized that I was pregnant. Jared and I were faced with a very difficult decision.

 

So, let's look at this financially. I just finished school, I have student debt, and my master card is maxed. I do have a job lined up but being pregnant prevents me from doing half of my job. Jared is only part-time at the grocery store, making a great wage, but can never get hours. He also has student debt. We are living in an illegal basement suite, a bachelor suite that doesn’t even have a stove or washing machine. I feel like I will never give anyone enough reasons for why we made that decision. But we did, and we didn’t do it lightly.

 

I budgeted, I weigh the pros and cons, I cried often. But we went to the walk-in clinic together. I had no idea what the first step was. So, telling a medical professional seemed the right place. I cried when I told the doctor. We set up an ultrasound. Side note: I didn’t hear the ultrasound instructions right, I was trying so hard to set this up on the sneak without work finding out. I thought she said liters of water prior to ultrasound, well my bladder nearly exploded. AND then, I was only supposed to pee out some. Oh my god, my bladder, my urethra.

 

Back to the story, the ultrasound makes you face it, yes, there are cells in there that are yours and his. But they aren’t meant to be. And that’s okay, that's how it’s going to be. And I wish they didn’t have to do that. But I certainly wouldn’t want an abortion if there was nothing in there. It’s booked. It’s not in my city, it's not on a day off, Jared has to work that night, fuck. Off we go.

 

I call in sick from work, and we are on our way. Honestly, the abortion experience itself was the smoothest part of this story. We find the clinic right away. And we are waiting in the waiting room, and there are all these inspirational quotes on a whiteboard. It said the most supportive and kind and hopeful things. It made me feel this overwhelming sense of support, I felt like there was a big frog sitting at the top of my throat. I was ready to cry at any moment. I wasn’t alone in that room, and that was even more comforting.

 

Jared was there with me of course. And nearly every woman in there had her boyfriend or husband there with them. After having a very good talk about birth control methods, I went into another waiting room, took antibiotics, and had an IV catheter placed. I had the procedure done. They give you medications, so you don't feel much at all, it is not painful, the only part that is uncomfortable is when the uterus starts to contract. It was over, we went home. I called in sick a second day for I didn't trust myself to do critical thinking after having an aesthetic medication. We weren’t going to tell anyone for years.

 

Growing up in a rural area, I knew there were going to be people I never tell. I was not going to tell anyone. But I went home for Christmas, without Jared. I have never kept secrets from my mom but felt the need to tell her as soon as I saw her. Maybe because it had been so long, but I had to tell her. And I did, maybe it was the stress of the new job, everything that had happened that year, not being with Jared. But I cried when I told her, and my brother was there. Well, suddenly it was about them. And how I didn’t tell them. I kept something so huge from them. How dare I make a decision alone? Without a family consult? They were crying. It was truly awful, nothing could have prepared me for that.

 

After telling them, they haven’t forgiven Jared, they blame him. But it was our decision. And at the end of the day, it was always mine to make. I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the time. If I had the baby, it would almost be a year. But I didn’t, and I have had an amazing year, I gained invaluable experience in my career, good and bad. I am on my way in the world. We have bought a new car, moved into a bigger place, and we have savings. We have a long-term plan. I don’t regret the abortion. I do regret telling my family.”  —Rebecca

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November 8, 2019

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