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My surgical abortion...

November 11, 2018

“My surgical abortion at 9 weeks: When I decided my best, and really only option was abortion, I was terrified to have the procedure done. I typical knew nothing about it, because up until I found myself in the situation that I did, I have always been pro-life. So of course I started to research. I could maybe find 3-4 other stories that slightly helped me. So, I told myself after I had it done I would be sharing mine, as to hopefully help someone decide for themselves. So, here I go.

 

I found myself pregnant with my 3rd child after splitting with my ex of 3 years. I was barely making it as it was, had just graduated college, and was barely hanging by a thread in life. I have a 5 year old, and a 2 year old who are my world. I typically find myself to be a really good mother. I try my best, at the least. When the pregnancy test came out to be positive, I was in denial. That is what I'm good at in life. That's how I make it. I register things, but I push it aside in my brain so I can move forward.

 

I made my first OB appointment, I started to do everything you normally would when first finding out about a pregnancy. Although I knew I didn't want this baby, and I knew I didn't want to be pregnant, I still carried on as if that weren't the case, assuming those feelings would fade....they didn't. Not even 2 months later.

 

I hated the situation I was in, I was frustrated with myself for being so careless. At this point, I started talking with a friend of mine that I knew who had an abortion. The advice she gave was what I needed to hear. I still at this point couldn't see myself making that decision. But the longer I waited, the further along I got, the depression stayed, as well as the disgust. And one day I literally woke up and knew that having an abortion was the right choice for me, in my situation. There was no way I could continue to take care of my 2 children for the next 7 months while being pregnant. I was miserable. I hated myself. and I knew that feeling wouldn't subside after the baby was here.

 

I called the clinic my friend had gone to years ago. She did the medicated abortion (the pill). They informed me on the phone they do not give the pill over 6 weeks, and that I would be needing a surgical abortion. Where I live, they require you to do a day of counseling, wait 24 hours, and then come in for the procedure. I called on a Friday, my appointment was that following Tuesday to start the process.

 

At this appointment they do an ultrasound and blood work, and then make you watch a video on abortions. They make sure to tell you the other options of pregnancy, etc. My friend warned me of the protesters, but I did not think they would be as bad as they were. I literally could not get out of my car when I pulled into the parking spot. The volunteers at the clinic had to pretty much shield me in order to walk inside. The things the protesters were shouting were absolutely ridiculous.

 

If you're a protester and you're reading this, I doubt you will have someone change their minds about abortion while screaming insane things to them.

I walked inside and signed in. They labeled us by numbers. I was number 7 this day. I paid my $150 and shortly after got my blood drawn. I then waited in the ‘counseling’ room to have my ultrasound. I chose not to view it. I already knew what it would look like being that I have two children of my own. I knew it would have a heart beat, and growing limbs. I just asked the tech to tell me how far along I was measuring. She then told me 8 weeks and 6 days. They printed my ultrasound picture and placed it into my file.

 

Back to the counseling room, there was probably 14 girls in this room. Some laughing about how in a few days they were going to have an abortion. Some completely devastated. I simply stayed to myself and watched the clip on abortions we were required by law to watch. I listened to the doctor when she came in and explained by detail what would transpire, and then made my appointment for that following Thursday. At this clinic they do surgeries on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I was to be back there on Thursday at 8 am.

 

My abortion would cost me $375, along with the $150 I already paid. The further along the more expensive it got. I walked into the clinic on Thursday morning. I was terrified. As I was signing in someone I knew very well walked in. We both got wide eyed and hugged each other. We were in shock. We both agreed we would talk later. I got signed in, paid my money. We were sitting down in the waiting room until it was our turn to go to a different room, there we would be given one pill that would soften the cervix to start the process & one ibuprofen, as well as a thick pad. After that, we all sat in one room to basically wait for the medication to start kicking in. I remember the cramps starting. And going to the bathroom in between and seeing light pink blood and chunks of tissue.

 

One by one we were called back to the room to have the procedure done. Hours went by. And finally it was my turn. I sat down, was told to scoot to the bottom of the table, with my legs in stirrups. The doctor told me what I was going to feel and to remember to breath. To do a surgical abortion they stick metal rods into your cervix one by one until it’s open enough to then fit the vacuum inside you. I was in that room for maybe 5 minutes. The pain was bearable, but it still hurt. She was very quick and thorough. I didn’t like being able to hear the vacuum. They made us all go sit in a ‘pre-op’ room basically to make sure we weren’t going to bleed out. I remember getting dressed, being in tears. Shaking. Wishing I didn’t have to do what I just did, but knowing it was for the best.

 

The nausea instantly went away, I got cramped and spotted for about a week. My stomach went back down. And I tried to go about my life like it didn’t happen. It’s now been two years since that day & I think about it often. I wouldn’t be where I am in life today if I didn’t do it, but it haunts me... I’ll never do it again no matter the circumstances.”   —Morgan

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November 8, 2019

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