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I was 24...

October 24, 2018

“I was 24. On December 26, 2015 I found out I was pregnant. Three months earlier I had gone through the worst times of my life.

 

My boyfriend that I had for five years just bought a one way ticket to go do his hobby. I didn’t want him to leave and I had made a rash decision to just break up with him. I met a guy that I worked with and turns out he was on meth. He was upfront about it. I’m the type of person that tries to “fix” people cause I see the good in them. He told me that he would kill himself if I ever left him.

 

I would get black out drunk and just remember feeling him on top of me. One time after he had left, I remember stripping the rest of my clothes off and just sitting in the shower for what seemed like forever. I was mad at my ex boyfriend and heartbroken. I pushed everyone away from me. All of my family was in Texas, my ex was in California and I was in North Dakota.

 

I would tell my mom that I was leaving and then change my mind. This went on until my ex came back. He saved me from that situation. I packed my stuff and went to to Texas. Mentally drained, physically just weak. 24 hours later I was with my family. One week later I found out.

 

My child would have the same father I would. A druggie. He already had four other kids that had had no contact with, felon, and had abused me. I thought to myself that I was going to raise this child myself. I had it set in my mind, until I thought about all of the birthdays I had wished my dad was there. Every Christmas, every time he said he was coming to get me... and he never showed. I wasn’t strong enough to put a child through that.

 

I was 8 weeks pregnant. I listened to the heartbeat because you had too. The doctor tried to make it quick but I wanted to hear the flutter. And I did. I still hear it to this day. I still have my ultrasound picture and still wonder what life would’ve been. I feel like I made the right decision for the baby. Not for me. Cause I was ready. I wanted it. I didn’t want to see it suffer like I had too. If you’re going through this, please hear me. You’re not alone. I don’t regret my decision. It was the right choice for me.”   —Anonymous

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