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My pregnancy was a bit of a shock...

August 30, 2018

“My pregnancy was a bit of a shock. After four kids, me and my husband were pretty much done, but reality hit hard when I found out I was expecting baby number 5 in January 2018. Initially, I had abortion as an option because I already have four kids and my husband and I were struggling financially during the time. It took us a week to think things through but decided to keep the baby and hope for the best.

 

Around 6 weeks pregnant I started to get sick and developed hyperemesis gravidarum. That in fact made it so horrible I was in and out of the hospital every week due to dehydration. During that time, my OB decided to get my first lab works which was normal. I’m definitely not new to this.

 

Two weeks later, I got a call from my city health department, they asked me a whole bunch of questions about the Zika virus, since I do live in a border city next to Mexico. I heard of it, but I thought it could never happen to me.

 

A week later I got a call from my OB to go in immediately and that they needed to discuss my lab results. Terrified, I drove to the office and immediately got a sono. The baby was measuring way behind but had a strong heart. I waited for the doctor and I can still picture her walking in the door holding a bunch of papers and seeing the assistant’s face, she had a look in her eyes.

 

I was told I contracted the Zika virus during conception and my baby developed microcephaly. This was the first of many tests yet waiting to be done. By that time, I was approaching my 10-week mark. I was told I could wait and see how undeveloped my baby would be. I felt so neglected or at least I felt no compassion and received a blunt diagnosis.

 

I left the clinic and felt like the whole staff and patients were looking at me. Me and my husband decided to terminate my pregnancy at 9 weeks 3 days. Every single day I have flashbacks. I was able to have a medical abortion at home and sadly got to see my baby after passing away. It haunts me. I pray to god every day and hope that I can be forgiven.

 

I could never bring a child into this world to suffer in pain for life with no decent life expectation. I gave my baby a proper burial and hold the memory very close to my heart. Women who have abortions don’t have it as easy as people think. Some don’t do it as a method of birth control. As each day goes by I try to move on but only time will tell how long it takes to heal a broken heart.”  —Abigail

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