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I found out I was pregnant...

August 9, 2018

“I found out I was pregnant when I was 20. But I already have 3 kids. I remember whenever I found out I was pregnant so stressed, sad, and disappointed. Because between my family and my husband’s family commenting about us not having more kids, and about money and taking care of 3 kids.

 

I was stressed. I remember I told one of my closest friends and she told me ‘don't do it, there's a reason God give you another baby’ all that and also one of my family members. But I didn't want another baby because I can barely give my kids a decent life.

 

So, I thought about it. I cried thinking of what to do because I knew if I kept it I was not going to be able to be there for my kids more. So, I decided to do an abortion. I remember telling my husband and he respected my decision. So, I made an appointment we got there. And the first thing we see is protesters outside the clinic yelling horrible things that made me feel the worst.

 

So, we waited like 2hrs before they took me back. They called my name they took me back for lab work and so I can talk to a counselor. After that they sent me to the restrooms to get undressed and put a gown on and a pad. They gave me some meds to keep between my cheeks and gums. To cause my uterus to get soft. They took me to a room with like 9 recliners. And I thought I was the only one there. I was wrong. I had no idea abortions were this common. I remember that I was so nervous because they wouldn't let my husband be with me.

 

And like 1hr passed, the nurse came to me and told me what they would be doing, then they took me back. A small room with an ultrasound machine a kind of like vacuum so they checked me and I remember them telling me about the fetus but I was trying so hard to ignore them. Then they put my IV like 10 minutes later the doctor came in. And they said I was going to be relaxed because of the meds but I remember I started to hear the vacuum and there was no pain, but I couldn't breathe, I started to panic and wanted to cry so loud because deep inside me I knew that is my baby, my daughter or son.

 

Even though they treated me good, I felt like if I was used. After the procedure they stood me up. I couldn't breathe because of all the emotions I was holding. I remember feeling so empty. I felt like if they took my insides, just empty and nauseous like if I am disgusting. They took me back to the recliners where they give me a snack and a drink. After 30 minutes they had my partner to park where the exit was. I remember getting in the car, seeing my husband and just let it out. I cried and cried I felt so empty and disgusted of myself.

 

I still feel disgusted and empty and it has been 5 months since my abortion. I wish I could talk about it with someone, but I know they will judge. I feel lonely and like no one understands what I am going through. I don't regret it because that was my decision 100% but I still feel empty and lonely. No one understands and will not understand me.”  —Anonymous

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