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It was like living a nightmare...

February 18, 2018

"It was like living a nightmare. Me and my boyfriend had been fighting terribly for weeks. I had just experienced a huge financial burden. Between my two jobs and being a senior in college, the stress was very difficult to manage in a healthy way.

 

My period has never been a single day late. My friends kept trying to convince me that I was overreacting, that i wasn't pregnant and everything would be okay just like every other time we’ve all had our scares. But i knew, i could just feel it. I bought a test one day after being late, and i should have just taken it right then and there. But i waited and waited because i already knew but just didn't want it to become a reality.

 

Day 7 after being late I was physically ill from how terrified i was. I finally took the test with my boyfriend there. I didn't even have a reaction for the first couple of hours.

 

I could picture myself being the perfect mother, it was hard to understand why i wasn’t happy with the positive test. I worked SO HARD to be where i was at in my life, and i am so close to finally being exactly where i wanted to be. My boyfriend and I at the time were not doing well whatsoever. He wanted me to keep this baby so badly, and it absolutely destroyed me to not feel the same way.

 

No matter how much we fought, i still cared about his input a lot. After the countless times of him telling me to go to hell where i belong, and basically telling me i was the worst person on earth, i found strength in the decisions I FELT I needed to make. You can only take another person's opinions into consideration to an extent. But this pregnancy is physically happening to YOU and ONLY YOU at the end of the day.

 

I didn't leave my house for weeks leading up to the appointment. I had never experienced emotions so intense and confusing. The day finally came, and i called and rescheduled the appointment to a few days later. I still wish i wouldn’t have done that. But then the day that i finally went.

 

I took the pill, and honestly felt a sense of relief. The second set of pills did make me really sick, even with the pain medication. But it only lasted about a day. Besides that it was basically like a normal period.

 

No matter how alone you may feel, REACH OUT TO SOMEONE. This is not something you can do alone, if you try it will tear you to shreds. I am two weeks out from taking the pills and some days i feel completely fine, but some days i really do need someone to talk to. This is a situation where feeling sadness and grief is OK.

 

If you are in a relationship where you experience physical or emotional abuse-YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Get out as soon as you start to question your physical or mental well-being. You will be SAFER in this life if you get out and seek help. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel and YOU WILL GET THERE."  —Anonymous

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