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I had a abortion a week ago...

August 21, 2017

“I had a abortion a week ago, I had been having unsafe sex with my 5 year relationship boyfriend. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely shocked. I was 6 weeks pregnant when I found out. I couldn't imagine being a mother right now at the age of 21. July was about to end and I still had no period. I took a pregnancy test at work. The test automatically read positive right away. I felt my heart drop to the floor. I already knew what my decision was... Abortion.

 

I drove home all to take another test that read positive as well. My boyfriend had been off that day. We had sat down and told him I was pregnant and he was very supportive it was what I wanted to do, He would be there 100% whatever decision I make. Although the both of us were leaning towards abortion.

 

I had moved out of my moms house a year after I graduated high school. My mom doesn't make the best choices in life. My step dad and I never got along. I was a government baby aka I was raised off of welfare, food stamps and medicare tell I was 18. My dad died when I was 5 and my mom just hadn't been the same since. I'm one out of 4 children my mom has. I live with my grandparents with my boyfriend we help them financially.

 

I hadn't told anyone. my mom and I don't have the best relationship. My grandmother would've gave me a negative response. I almost spilled the beans to her and the comments were already negative. If she was already giving negative comments I could just imagine my whole family.

 

Once I found out I was pregnant a week later the pregnancy sickness started to kick in. I didn't know what to do once I found out I was pregnant. What kind of clinic do I call? My good long time friend gave me some direction to go to a free women clinic. To confirm my pregnancy, When the lady asked what was my decision I told her abortion and she had try to change my mind also stating adoption would be a better decision but I couldn't live with the fact that someone would be raising my child. I couldn't wait to get out of there... I just wanted to make my own decision. not everyone is going to be accepting about it but that's okay its your life your decision. Don't let anyone change that but you.

 

Now what was eating me up inside was the different abortion procedures. I had been researching all the time to find nothing but negative comments and stories about the medical procedure, or the pill. I had given my self a week to ultimately make my decision. I called planned parent hood and booked my self the appointment. In 2 weeks I was going to be making a decision that would change my life forever.

 

I was so nervous. Since I was early I had 2 choices medical procedure or the pill. I wanted more information about both but was leaning towards the medical procedure so I waited to make my decision till my appointment. I was wanting the days to go by slower so it would give me more time to prepare myself. I felt like I was going in blind and overthinking everything.

 

The day had come for my ultrasound appointment you have to get one 24 hrs within the abortion (state law). The people there are non judgmental at all. Some employees had, had an abortion themselves. That was comforting to know. Before they take you for your ultrasound they do the basics of your medical health such as weight, height, check blood pressure, ask what sickness have you been feeling if any. It was time to see the doctor. They do a vaginal ultrasound its uncomfortable to go through but didn't hurt at all and boy was I relieved it was a female doctor. She asked if I wanted a picture I kindly decline and it was hard for me to hear my baby heart beat. They are considerate and quickly listened to the heart beat and shut the sound off. I often wonder if I made the right choice by not getting a picture…

 

I was 8 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. The first appointment was quickly done and scheduled my appointment for tomorrows procedure. the doctor informed me the medical procedure would be the best choice I would be under sedation and would go a lot quicker wouldn't feel pain she reassured me by stating there would be no clipping, snapping or anything. That relieved me I really don't like pain I cant handle shots or anything like that. I'm a really sensitive person to anything like that.

 

Now it had become the next day and time for my procedure my boyfriend and I drive to the appointment I'm feeling nervous as ever freaking out on the inside but trying to stay calm. They did the same thing as yesterday except this time poked me on my finger just to take a blood sample to see if you're in the clear of STDs or anything. They brought me to the back to put on a hospital gown they asked me if I was okay I told them I'm feeling really nervous everything that I was seeing was intimidating me. So she asked if I wanted this pill to relax me before they give me sedation I said yes (I'm glad I said yes). They let me sit for a second to let the medicine kick in, It was then time for my procedure.

 

I laid down and I had a hand holder on my left a nurse giving me sedation on my right. They were both very comforting women I'm so happy they were there they were talking to me the whole time and being really sweet. My doctor comes in which was the lady from, yesterday she was really nice and her nurse, she said she would be starting the procedure when I'm talking about it went so fast like within a minute she was done. I just felt a little pressure but not too much. I was surprised how quick it was. They wheeled me into the care room with recliners and they gave me a heating pad for cramping mine were minor. I couldn't believe how painless I was feeling.

 

They sat me down for about 15 more mins. After I changed back to my clothes they took my IV out and I was ready to go. I felt so relieved to see my boyfriend. I had minor bleeding also and lasted a day. I still feel cramps but don't really bother me took about a day to recover.

I want to be detailed of this part of my story because it wasn't as bad as it seemed for anyone who is having fear, doubts, or anxious about the medical procedure part. Take it from someone who doesn't like pain or shots hates going to the doctor. I felt like I made the best choice for myself. But everyone is different and can feel things differently.

 

Now I haven't really talked about my feelings much but through the time I found out I was pregnant I would cry my self to sleep and wake up and cry because I didn't want to make this decision I wish I didn't have to but it was what was best for me. The timing is off from having a baby right now. The day I was doing the procedure I talked to my baby one last time… and I cried before I went in. After the procedure I didn't think about my baby much and told myself I had made amends with myself.

 

But when I'm all alone all I think about is my baby how I will always love it now matter if I didn't know the gender or what she/he would've looked like it would always be my first baby. I still have my moments were I cry. I buried it deep down inside me  I don't think I could ever tell anyone. But it has pushed me to keep going to school and wanting to better for my self so when I do get a chance to be a mother again I would be ready. I want to be the best mom I can be. Its comforting that I can let it out hear I hoped I touched someone with my story.”  —Anonymous     

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