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I was 17. Found out that I was pregnant and didn't know what I was gonna do...

July 2, 2017

“I was 17. Found out that I was pregnant and didn't know what I was gonna do. My boyfriend and i were on the brink anyway and I didn't want a kid to stop me from going to college. I was ranked 8 out of 325 students and planning on going to a big college to do big things one day. I know they say that having kids is amazing and I believe it, but not when you are 17, your boyfriend sucks, and you want so much more. My parents have always put so much pressure on me (I couldn't get a B without getting scolded) so how was I supposed to tell them?

 

I was a week late when I decided to take a test. I had told my boyfriend that I had my suspicions but he told me I wasn't. After all, he should know how my body is feeling right?!  Well the test came back positive and I cried and cried. Then I took a second and it came back positive.

 

I immediately texted my best friend. She called me. We talked and she was there for me. I don't know what I would've done without her.

 

Well after a lot of time of thinking and me breaking up with my boyfriend, I decided to tell my parents. It was possibly the worst moment ever. They told me I had options and the decision was up to me. I'm grateful that they didn't kick me out but that doesn't mean that it didn't suck.

 

After a few days, I decided to get an abortion. By this time, my ex had said to someone that I broke up with him because i thought I was pregnant (and I had told him the results bc he was the dad...) and that comment spread like wildfire. It made it all the way to my grade school.

 

Well I took the pills for it and it hurt like hell but part of me thinks i deserved it. My dad wanted my ex to stop talking so he told me to tell him that i was wrong. That i was never pregnant. He believed it somehow and said it was just that my hormones made the test come back positive (he's an idiot btw).

 

My best friend was against my decision but she respected it and I love her for that. But now i feel as though I can't talk to her, my parents, anyone...

 

it wasn't until recently that I realized that the father was a sucky boyfriend. I had told him no several times but he kept insisting. I still don't recall if I ever gave permission but it happened over a year ago. I still cry about my decision but there's nothing I can do.

 

I believe the decision I made was the right decision because to me, keeping it would have completely changed my life and I'm scared I would've somehow treated my child with disrespect in some way or he/she would've felt bad. Adoption wasn't an option for me, I know how many children aren't adopted and I didn't want mine to be one. And I didn't know that I would have the strength to let go of my child. So then my last option was abortion. It sucks, but I think I did what I needed to. If I had been in the same situation in a few years, I think my decision would be different. But who knows? Part of me thinks it was a girl. I named her reina makenna-Nicole. She would've been born in September and she'd be almost a year old now.”  —Anonymous

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