I hear so many horror stories of children who are put in the system and I couldn’t bare the thought of contributing to that...
January 30, 2017
“I had my abortion procedure 1 yr ago on Feb. 5th. I made my decision due to my finance situation & my partner not being a Canadian citizen… we both discussed the circumstance thoroughly before coming to our decision. A lot of people will probably ask why I didn’t just adopt the baby out and it is because I hear so many horror stories of children who are put in the system and I couldn’t bare the thought of contributing to that.
It is easily the hardest thing I have ever been through… many tears have been shed and for the first few months’ I spent many nights waking up feeling overwhelmed by anxiety to the point where I’d leave the room and completely break down in the bathroom with the hopes my partner would not hear me. My sister had her son a few days after the procedure and so many of my friends became pregnant in 2016, there were many times I felt jealous and very alone.
I’ve spent the last 5 months learning to forgive myself, I have never regretted it but I often find myself wishing the situation had been different. I started opening up to a select few (something that took almost 9 months to gain the courage to do) which really put me to the test emotionally, due to certain circumstances that weren't necessarily ideal. during this period there were times I felt worse than I initially did in the beginning, it has been a few months since and I feel like that wound is healing.
My partner and I are still together & he has loved me through my ugliest moments, something that I am so grateful for. At the moment my greatest struggle is wanting a baby & the feelings that come with it. It’s a feeling I have never felt before this experience (before it all I figured I’d be ready to think of starting a family at 30) and I just don’t know how to cope with it. My partner talks about our future and having a family with me and I love him so much and share the same vision, but this also comes with the feeling of a heavy heart. I just don’t quite know how to get past this feeling.” —Anonymous