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We were always careful, my boyfriend and I...

January 27, 2017

"We were always careful, my boyfriend and I. We were happy to be in agreement that we did not want kids and were not in the right mental and financial states of mind to take care of one. When I would think about my body being ripped in agonizing pain for a life I couldn't take care of, I concluded with a resounding NO THANKS every time, no second thoughts whatsoever. If I was going to be responsible for a life, I wanted to do it responsibly. It was dreadful to think of the responsibility at age 28 when my career was just taking off and my band was travelling. I don't know how it happened, but one day I woke up with a terrible migraine, and I wanted to throw up. The feeling did not go away for the next 7 days. I was constipated and would cry uncontrollably over absolutely nothing. The sky was blue and I was crying about it. I decided to pee on a stick for the hell of it, just to see if that was why I felt so weird. My boyfriend and my housemate were home that morning when I came out of the bathroom and announced, "Welp, I'm pregnant. I gotta get this shit scraped out." My boyfriend said nothing, but his eyes said a lot. Behind those eyes, I could feel his fear, confusion, and longing to help me through whatever I was feeling. I assured him that I would never even dream of letting a new life into this world, because I was not prepared for it and had no desire to prepare. I definitely did not want to go through the physical transformation, the agonizing pain, and the mental fatigue just to give it away and hope for the best. I scheduled the abortion appointment that day without hesitation. I had to wait a long week to get it. That week was terribly long and very uncomfortable. My stomach felt bloated and hard. I was not enjoying myself. Why would I want to give birth to an unwanted child? How would that be fair for the child? There was no chance in hell that I could convince myself to like this. My boyfriend and best friend went to Planned Parenthood with me to get it out. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever felt. When they sucked those cells out, I broke out in a sweat of pure relief and freedom. We passed protestors on the way out who were mostly middle-aged men. How funny that middle-aged men thought that waving a picture of a mangled fetus in my face would change my mind. The amount of blood and cells that was sucked out of me merely filled a very small vial, and here this manly idiot is waving a picture in front of my face that I could not identify with. Nearly 5 years later, my boyfriend and I are the proud owners of a new puppy named Arrow. My career has brought me a $13,000 boost to my income and my boyfriend is happily working hard in Recording Arts school. We are about to record an album in New York City and have spent the past year travelling playing music in neighboring cities and states. We are having a blast and are stronger than ever together. We researched puppy health and training for a year before getting one two weeks ago. We are just now learning what it is like to take care of a new life, and we are happy to learn with an animal first and not an unprepared human life. We love our little Arrow, and we are excited for the road ahead with our little pup. Now I ask those middle-aged men with the unrealistic pictures outside of Planned Parenthood: wouldn't you much rather have a planned child come into this world, rather than an unplanned one from unprepared and unenthusiastic parents?"  -Karah Vance

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