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He was in the army and told me that because he was "pumped with so many steroids and bs" while he was overseas he was probably sterile...

October 24, 2016

“When I was 19 I met a guy and after a few times of hanging out we had sex. He was in the army and told me that because he was "pumped with so many steroids and bs" while he was overseas he was probably sterile. Which I didn't necessarily believe but I was ignorant and didn't ensure he was using protection anyway.

 

A few weeks later, no period, positive pregnancy tests. At first I was in total shock, since our first meeting I found out a lot of terrible things about this guy. He was selling drugs, and he pretty much had a girlfriend but was cheating on her.

 

I told my mom and she cried and I felt like an idiot. We talked about my options and I said that I really didn’t know how I would take care of a baby right now.

 

I went to my ob-gyn and had a pregnancy test and an ultrasound. She said I looked to be about 7 weeks but that she could not find a heartbeat. I asked her what this meant and she said that it could still happen, but it was likely I would miscarry. We talked about my options as well, she told me what an abortion would be like and where to go (by the way she was super supportive and was pregnant and still explained to me about abortions. I always appreciated that even if she had a certain opinion she never imposed it on me).

 

I maybe waited a week before my mom and I went to the woman's clinic where I live to do it. I remember being so scared because I had never done anything like this. When we walked in there were protesters across the street yelling things at all the girls walking in. I wanted to turn around and scream at them "we are having a bad enough day! Leave us alone!" But I didn't.

 

There were also two men at the doors opening them for the girls coming in. My mom told me these guys were like counter protesters, kind of there to show support where the protesters were doing the opposite.

 

When I first went in I filled out some paperwork and my mom paid for me. I felt so bad that she had to pay $500 for something I did. I went in and they took vitals before they took a group of us into a room and talked to us. The lady told us that what was about to happen to us will hurt. She told us what to watch for if we felt our pain was too bad. She also explained to us the difference between regular and tubular pregnancies and if we felt pain in certain places to go to the ER. She was very informative even outside of why I was there.

 

After that we went back to the waiting room and waited for our names to be called. When I was called I was taken back to a room and given a vaginal ultrasound. Then I was instructed to swallow the first pill and I was given the other two to take home. (I used to remember what they were called but I've forgotten) I was also given a prescription for pain medication.

 

I went and had my prescription filled and then went home. I took one of the pain pills and then the other two went on either side of my gums. About 20 or 30 minutes later I started cramping. The pain pill that I took prior did no good. I was in the worse pain I'd been in at that point of my life, and maybe ever. I'd had really bad period cramps all through high school, but this was unbearable. I mean essentially you are forcing yourself to miscarry. I knew it would hurt, but not that bad.

 

I went back and forth from sitting on the toilet hunched over, to the bed curled into a ball or hunched over my knees. It felt like the cramp never stopped. They weren't in waves, it was constant pain. I cried and my mom came and rubbed my back. She was the most supportive person I could have ever had. Eventually I started to bleed but it wasn't anything more than period blood. A few days later I did pass a fairly large bloodclot, but I was happy it was over.

 

A week later I had another appointment to ensure the pregnancy had been terminated, they did an ultrasound and tried to make me take another round of pills, but I never took them. All in all it was a horrible experience, but it's not something that's supposed to be enjoyable.

 

I go back and forth sometimes about whether I made a right decision, but I really think I did. I think when you have an opinion about abortion, it comes from a place of faith, always. I faithfully believe that the soul of whatever baby was growing inside me will wait for me to be ready for it. And when I'm ready, that soul will come back to me and will live on through my future child.

 

The man who got me pregnant never even cared that I was having an abortion. He later said I lied about being pregnant. Had I stayed with him I would have ended up on drugs and in jail.

 

It's been 7 years since then. I'm married and actively trying to plan a pregnancy. Abortion is not a pretty thing, but I am ultimately thankful that I could choose what I could do in my situation.”  —Anonymous

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