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i am aware that whatever i am about to say will be judged...

October 22, 2016

"i am aware that whatever i am about to say will be judged for the reason that we all judge even without it being our intentions. i'm 16 years old from england, and due to be going for a surgical abortion this coming friday. (it's wednesday evening.)

 

i'm in college and studying hard. i have an amazing up bringing and live a life of luxury. unfortunately i found out i was pregnant when i had been feeling ill, due to being sent to hospital from being ill a month before. my mother did not want to take any risks and booked me an appointment with my GP. the day after that appointment i was meant to be having another appointment following getting the implant.

 

because we was at the doctors there and then my mum asked if it was possible to discuss the implant now rather than coming back tomrrow. i had the questions about periods protection etc and once i mentioned i had irregular periods the GP looked at me strangely; at this point my mother was not with me in the room as it's not something i would enjoy discussing around her. the GP went on to say how because of how i had been feeling and my irregular periods i should take a pregnancy test there and then as it's routine with implants anyway??

 

evidently it turned out positive! i was pregnant. it was very traumatic having my mum come back in and be told her daughter was pregnant. i was adamant that i wanted an abortion. i was 16 and always said if i was in this position at this young age i would never keep it. i have so much more ahead of me; a career driving test, holidays with friends, clubbing. and although all can be achieved with a child it wasn't the way i wanted to do things, feeling like i palmed my child off to do things, was how i'd felt.

 

also i did not have a fixed boyfriend, i was on and off seeing someone and condoms were used occasionally but he would never allow his sperm inside me, this leads me to believe maybe he was a bit to slow pulling out... i won't go in to much detail but just so you're aware.

 

because i never new how far along i was it meant i needed an ultra sound (which i would've had anyway) i had to wait three weeks till my appointment at a hospital for ultra sound and refereeing abortion. this worried me!

 

i began to read about having abortions and how; depending on how many weeks you were depended on the type of abortion you would have. because of my irregular periods and frequent intercourse i really did have no idea.

 

knowing my appointment was three weeks after finding out annoyed me! it meant that more weeks were being added to my pregnancy. at this point i wanted a medical one. i thought it was more natural. and knowing i couldn't be over 8 weeks to have it worried me. on the day of my ultra sound i attended with my mother but went for the scan alone, i was 9 weeks and 6 days pregnant. i couldn't help but think what if i couldn't have the medical abortion and waiting three weeks they made me wait for my appointment was partly the reason!

 

i was then consulted about which abortion i could have after much more reading and thinking i had started going towards a surgical abortion anyway. i was recommended the medical because of my age but was told i would need more pills because i was over the cut of point for the medical abortion, and that a lot of the time it won't work and will result in a surgical abortion. i couldn't help but think that i wouldn't want to go through that. i just wanted it over and done with.

 

the surgical is quick no pain (so i'm told) and that just seemed more relevant for me. overall i'm now worrying a bit, i believe in god a lot and i feel like everything that has happened in my life he done for a reason. i've been blessed but just at such bad timing... i hope i will not be punished in my further life for this descion for i think it's the best for me. i look forward to my surgery on friday and it all being over and done with.

 

** incase u was wondering i haven't really mentioned the 'father' this being because i have not informed the boy i was seeing about my pregnancy as i wouldn't want him to sway me in to thinking i should keep it. he is 20 (legit just turned) and many of his friends have children, he had spoke about having one and how he would be an amazing dad. you may think he purposely got me pregnant but i can assure you due to our relationship with each other i highly doubt that was the case.

 

although u may think it is bad and that he should kno, i disagree. it's personal to me and it was clearly a mistake therefore what he doesn't know won't hurt him. this i wasn't going to mention because it is very understandable to think he should know as i agree, but i also know the person he is and it's for the best he didn't know. he's a little older than me and my mum was aware of me seeing him as she had met him.

 

i wanted to keep it to myself and not have other people knowing as i am only 16 and we live in a very judgmental world, the thought he may tell a friend for support and then it gets around is something i would hate as i know round my area abortion is looked down on. knowing he was happy having a child at his age made me think he would persuade me in to keeping it which is something i would not want him to do.**

 

i hope you; whoever reads this understands that everything i done i done for myself and as selfish as it sounds. it's my child and would be my main priority and even though i see myself fairly mature i'm not cut out to be a mother at this age. thank you .. x"  -cici

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