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Now this is two weeks before what would have been...

August 13, 2016

"I posted before on this site, around the time I had the abortion. Now this is two weeks before what would have been. I have moments where I don't necessarily regret the abortion just go over the what ifs. I sometimes wish we were in a better position to provide for a child.  I hate that some people will only see this as an excuse to continue to live my life, or to jump in saying if I was/am not in a position to care for a child I should not have had sex. If that is how you feel, okay, you have said your opinion on the matter so here is mine.

 

Both of my parents were addicts, one to the bottle and the other to needles (drugs). I had a rough up bringing because of their actions and the fact they made the wrong choices, in raising me for the few years they did and in giving birth to me.

 

Throughout school I was always top of my class. I was automatically accepted to three different universities. I never thought of myself to as a person who would have an abortion. I am and always was pro-choice*. When I met the father of the child I aborted, we both came out of horrible relationships. We didn't trust each other at first, but now he is the person I run to.

 

I found out I was pregnant right before Christmas. I was working a part-time job making $7.75, trying to save up for the next semester. I did not want anyone to pay for a decision I am old enough to make, therefore old enough to pay for the consequences. A month later, I had enough money and spent it all on the abortion.

 

I live in Texas. At the time HB 2 was still in effect. I made the initial appointment just to confirm what I already knew two weeks in advance. I arrived and the appointment was mysteriously cancelled. The office said that I had cancelled it, which I did not. No one who know about the pregnancy knew my social, which is need to cancel.

 

I rescheduled for the following week. I had to reschedule that appointment because I was late by 5 minutes because of traffic. The appointment was now the next day, but in a different city, which I was not notified of. I found that out after I drove an hour to the clinic. They apologized for the inconvenience and rescheduled again. At the appointment, I sat in the waiting room for over 3 hours after the appointment time, which they told me quite normal. I just thought if that was normal why was being five minutes late an issue.

 

The appointment consisted of a mandatory counseling where the ask questions like, if you are here on your own free will, if you have support, and if you were raped. Another thing the lady asked is if I wanted to see the sonogram or hear the heartbeat, as if I had the choice. The next part of the appointment was the sonogram. They told me to undress from the waist down and place the drap over my lap.

 

The nurse and the doctor walked back in. They explained that I would be having a vaginal sonogram because it allows a better picture. Prior to that moment I have never had an examination before, so I was quite nervous. The doctor told me about how far along I was, the length of the child and then that by law they have to show me the sonogram and play the heartbeat. It all made me feel numb, which it should.

 

The doctor went on talking about something, probably something important, but I could not listen. I could not get the sound of the heartbeat out of my head. The whooshing sound of that heart beat 160 beats per minute. The appointment conclude with them asking me if I wanted a copy of the sonogram and if I had any questions. I went to pay and received my copy of the sonogram. They said that the earliest appointment they had was for a Thursday two weeks later. I took it.

 

I set up a time with the campus counseling center to talk to someone outside the situation. I met with him two days prior to the abortion, a few days after, and couple weeks after that. It helped me. I was 12 weeks and 4 days along when I had the abortion. I still have the sonogram pictures and all of the paperwork. I still randomly will listen to a fetal heartbeat.

 

After the surgical abortion, I bled for about two weeks. I was placed on a birth control that I started the Sunday after the abortion, I was told it would help regulate my cycle. Four days after the abortion I was in an astronomical amount of pain, 1600 mg, two 800 mg, of ibuprofen did not even help. Because of the birth control I had a period every two weeks, I was told that was normal for the first few cycles, breakthrough bleeding. It never went away. So I switched brands.

 

This is my experience. Word of advice, if you think there is even a chance that you could end up with an unplanned pregnancy do not let someone talk you out of Plan B.

 

*Pro-choice is when you may or may not agree with a certain topic, abortion, and you allow others to have the right to theirs."  —Anonymous

 

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