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I don't regret having an abortion, I regret the carelessness that got me pregnant...

May 6, 2016

"I don't regret having an abortion, I regret the carelessness that got me pregnant. I was involved with someone very casually, and by casually I mean we were f*ck buddies in a very literal sense. There were a few times we would drink too much and get too caught up in the moment to use protection (stupid, I know), but after a point I had built a false sense of security thinking that if I hadn't gotten pregnant by this point that it was all good. Except it wasn't, because after a year I became pregnant.

 

I never considered myself pro-choice nor pro-life. If anything, after a certain age you should just take responsibility for your actions and as I am in my 30s, I didn't really have an excuse not to keep it. But I must say, until you find yourself in the situation, you really have no idea. I certainly didn't. I spent a few days going back and forth. My religious upbringing / old fashioned background told me it was my duty to keep it. My practical side told me it was the logical decision to abort. The would-be father wanted nothing to do with it. I had no family close to where I live.

 

It came down to this: raising the child on my own in a place I had no support network, giving the child up for adoption (a definite, resounding NO!), or moving back home with my family to face the judgement / pity of the community. No matter the outcome, it was a life my child did not deserve. It's one thing giving birth, it's another thing to be a parent and give them the life they deserve. I haven't told many people as I know they would judge me and my decision which is why i want to speak out.

 

When and if I become a mother again, I want to give them the very best that life has to offer. The very best I have to offer. and I couldn't do it now. I had just started a new job that was not conducive to having a child, and I was all alone in a country that was not my own. I will never forget this experience, but nor do I regret it. It was a life lesson learned, and from this point I view parenthood as such that is earned, that as a responsible adult you do so when you are ready to offer the very best you can. And when you cannot, there should be no shame in saying you had an abortion.

 

You are solely responsible for your own life, and if you have a child, you are responsible for theirs too. Some may say that I made a selfish decision, but in my heart I believe I made the choice based on that child’s possible experience in life. In my heart of hearts I will always carry a great sadness for what could have been, but I stay with my decision that it was the best at the time. And for those wondering, the procedure of having an abortion was physically easy. I was in and out within the day, asides from grogginess from the anaesthesia I didn’t feel anything at all. I bled lightly for a few weeks but my appetite was normal and I went back to my physically demanding work the next day no problems.

 

tl;dr: having an abortion sucks, but raising a child in an environment they should not be subjected to sucks more. I would rather carry the guilt of a drunken mistake than to subject a human life to anything less than the very best than they deserve."  —Anonymous

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