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Hey I'm 18, about to be 19 soon...

February 19, 2016

"Hey I'm 18, about to be 19 soon. I found out I was pregnant after I came back from a vacation in Miami over winter break. During my vacation I had terrible cramps but no blood, I even asked my friend to buy me some tampons just in case and it never came. I was so confused but tried to think it was everything but a pregnancy. I had my mother go to the store to go buy me a test and of course it came back positive.

 

I was so hurt and mad at myself. I cried for literally hours on in. I was most upset because I already knew that I was going to get an abortion and I just felt so bad. I'm in college paying out of pocket with a billion bills. I can barley take care of myself. And I didn't want anything falling on my  partner and I aren't even on good terms our relationship is up & down and we're broken up at the moment.

 

I didn't want to tell anyone but I knew I had to tell him. He acted as if we can go get "this" done and everything will be fine. Which annoyed me times a billion. He was physically there but I didn't feel like he was emotionally. But I couldn't even go straight to a doctor because I recently got off of my father's insurance. He and I don't see I to eye because he's 0 support with anything in my life so I didn't want to apart of anything in his life, on top of that I stopped taking my birth control anyway because my boyfriend and I broke up.

 

So I thought I'd be cool but just like the dumb person I am we had unprotected sex. (which is never happening again even if I'm on bc) but back to the story my friend who had one recommended me to this place since I couldn't go to a hospital until I was in my stepfather's insurance. So I go with my partner and my mother. My mother has a baby of her own (my baby bro is 1) so she went to the play room. He and I spoke with a councilor and he just sat on his phone the entire time texting and in social media I felt so alone.

 

I didn't speak for the rest of the day and they made me take another test, which was just a urine test that looks like the one my mom brought home. Anyway the place was a Christian based place (which I didn't know) and the women were nice but after I already told them I was getting an abortion they kept using the word if. When I got my ultrasound I got this long lecture from the freaking lady about her life, and her find Jesus and her daughter. This time my mom with me only and she's just sitting there listening and intrigued.

 

Finally I lay bac and the lady turns the screen towards me like wtf. I turned my head and she's crying! Fucking crying I was so mad. Like this place was fucking shitty. I told her a billion times I didn't want to see but yet you show me and my mom anyway. They turn the lights on and I see my mother was crying a little too. So now I'm sad because my mom is sad.

 

The lady prints out pics and gives them to me!!!! And tons me to call her after I make my decision... I was pissed. I threw the pictures away after a couple of days because it really pissed me off and made me so sad at the same time. The lady told me how far along I was and I kept getting on Google to see how big the baby was and not try to feel so bad about it.

 

I finally go for my first visit at the place idk if I'm allowed to say the name or not. But there were protestors outside and some man yelling at us through a mic. I got an ultrasound that day again and this time I was asked once and nothing else. She was in and out and didn't try to make me do something I didn't want to do, they had me speak to a billion people but everyone made me feel better.

 

I chose the moderate sedation so my partner drove me there and waited and from the tone I walked into the room seeding all the girls sitting in chairs to laying on the freaking table so lonely and afraid. I did my best at hold my tears back for as long as I could but after I got the medicine it was too hard like I had tears in my eyes on the table but it wasn't until after I sat down and they let my partner come see me when the tears came rushing down. I cried all the way home and my mom greeted me and the door walked me up my stairs and just held me. I was so sad man I couldn't stop crying, I didn't say one word I just cried.

 

Now with dealing with the post abortion I have my good days and my bad days. The clots bother me the most and I workout a lot so I bleed. Heavy. It's just when those things happens it brings me back to the table. No one knows except my mom and my partner. I made him swear not to tell his mom nor his friends. So it's like when it's time to talk when I'm all sad it's hard because I don't want to keep bothering anyone with my problems. :("  —anonymous

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