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I am 20 years old today is Dec 18th I am scheduled for an abortion...

December 19, 2014

"I am 20 years old today is Dec 18th I am scheduled for an abortion Dec 23rd. Instead of speaking about how I know it is not the right time for me to have a child I will tell you what I am feeling at this moment in time.I am terrified. I was told three months ago that I can't have children and on top of that my husband and I recently separated. So I was a little depressed (lets be honest I was breaking). So I had a lot of sex, with various partners. Trying to get rid of the pain of everything that had just come crashing down on my life. I am not saying this is an excuse I am simply trying to show you where my life was when I found out.So here I am sitting in my room debating with myself about whether or not I should keep this child. What if I can't have another child and this is my miracle? This child will always love me and I will always love it. I don't have family, I don't have parents, I have four brothers that are all really far away and none of us really have anything to do with each other. while these are all very good reasons to have a child I also know i am not financially or supported enough to have a child and i don't want to raise this child the way i was raised.So I have decided that this is not the life I want to give this child and I pray that I can forgive myself. Those are just the morals… what about the pain? but that is something that we are all scared of I think so it doesn't need to be spoken about. I am not trying to scare anyone I am simply letting you know that whatever you are feeling ... you are not alone. Do not feel guilty and do not be ashamed, we are women of the future. We have our own choices to make to better ourselves and our children. One day we will have kids on our own terms when we are ready.” —anonymous Dec 23rd. Instead of speaking about how I know it is not the right time for me to have a child I will tell you what I am feeling at this moment in time.

I am terrified. I was told three months ago that I can't have children and on top of that my husband and I recently separated. So I was a little depressed (lets be honest I was breaking). So I had a lot of sex, with various partners. Trying to get rid of the pain of everything that had just come crashing down on my life. I am not saying this is an excuse I am simply trying to show you where my life was when I found out.

So here I am sitting in my room debating with myself about whether or not I should keep this child. What if I can't have another child and this is my miracle? This child will always love me and I will always love it. I don't have family, I don't have parents, I have four brothers that are all really far away and none of us really have anything to do with each other. while these are all very good reasons to have a child I also know i am not financially or supported enough to have a child and i don't want to raise this child the way i was raised.

So I have decided that this is not the life I want to give this child and I pray that I can forgive myself. Those are just the morals… what about the pain? but that is something that we are all scared of I think so it doesn't need to be spoken about. I am not trying to scare anyone I am simply letting you know that whatever you are feeling ... you are not alone. Do not feel guilty and do not be ashamed, we are women of the future. We have our own choices to make to better ourselves and our children. One day we will have kids on our own terms when we are ready."  —anonymous

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