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I had always considered myself pro-choice...

January 17, 2014

"I had always considered myself pro-choice, but not pro-abortion. While I have always felt it was a woman's right to choose, I never thought that I would be faced with having an abortion myself. In fact, I thought if I ever did have an unexpected pregnancy that abortion would simply not be an option. That changed at the ripe old age of 29. I'll spare you the details of my story, but I found myself going through a divorce, raising a 6 year old ... and suddenly pregnant. The emotions were overwhelming. While I had a stable job earning decent money, I was simply not in a good place in my life.
 
The emotions were overwhelming. I was devastated, scared, and so confused. I remember when I started considering abortion, I came across tons of pro-life sites that were designed to shock, shame, scare and guilt women into not having an abortion. They were filled with fake stories about women having horrific complications and decorated with pictures of "aborted babies". Of course, I knew all this was complete BS, but I was overwhelmed with anxiety. What would happen to me? Would I be hurt? How would I feel after? Would I regret it? Would I be a bad person? I was physically sick with guilt and I wound up cancelling 4 abortion appointments before finally scheduling one that I promised I would keep.
 
I researched facts on abortion. I learned that the procedure itself is the most commonly preformed procedure in America. It is also EXTREMELY safe. Vaginal birth and C-sections are FAR more likely to cause complications. In fact, I almost died giving birth to my daughter. I literally went into heart failure because my blood pressure was so high. Women who have natural miscarriages are given the SAME abortion procedure as women seeking to terminate a pregnancy. I didn't realize this, but having a cyst removed from my uterus a few years ago was far more invasive than an abortion would be. You are not more likely to have complications with future pregnancies or have birth defects as many pro-lifers would like you to believe. Simply put, that is just another lie. If that were true, women who have medical procedures due to miscarriages, cysts, polyps, or tumors would also be classified in this risk category - and they aren't.
 
On the day of my appointment, I was so scared and physically sick. I was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time and felt medical abortion would be the right option for me. At the clinic, I was surprised by what I saw in the waiting room. Almost all of the women were around my age (late 20's - early 30's). They were there with their husbands and some even had their children there. I had a preconceived idea that I would be the only one over 18. Pro-lifers like to make people think that most women who have abortion are promiscuous, trashy, underage and uneducated - this is another lie. Most are mothers, just like me. Women who love their children and are facing a very emotional decision. Their somber tear stained faces stared bleakly at the ground. None of us made eye contact as we were called back one by one.
 
Once back, the doctor did an ultrasound. They asked if I wanted to see and I declined. The doctor informed me that the medical abortion is really only best if you are under 7 weeks. He said it is harder on the woman's body and he would not recommend I have a medical abortion. I agreed in tears. He was very kind and assured me that everything would be ok. The nurse took me into a room and I was given valium. A few minutes later, I went into a room with a hospital bed and stirrups. The nurse instructed me to undress from the waist down and gave me a sheet to drape over myself. I laid for a few minutes with my legs tightly closed together, staring at the ceiling, with tears streaming down my face into my ears. I could hear my heart beating. The doctor came in and could see I was distraught. He put his hand on my shoulder and said how I felt was normal. He told me that nobody would ever know I had the procedure and that I never had to tell anyone. He promised it would be very quick and would not hurt. He then gave me a quick shot which made me feel like I was almost in a twilight. I was awake, but I was out of it. The procedure itself took less than 5 minutes. It did not hurt, but I felt a few "cramps" during. I dressed after and a nurse came in to check me. I then left with my Mother. In total, I was there maybe an hour.
 
When I got home, I was surprised to find I barely bled. I felt fine. Absolutely fine. Not even cramping. Over the next several days, I kept expecting start with heavy bleeding, but I never did. I wouldn't even call it bleeding, it was more like spotting. MUCH lighter than any period I had ever had. I was able to wear just panty liners over the next week. Some days I didn't even need them, but I wore them anyway as a precaution. Emotionally, I was better than expected. I knew that I had made the right choice for myself. Sure, I felt tinges of sadness of times, but NOTHING compared to how I felt when I was facing an unwanted pregnancy. I was ultimately relieved and I do not regret the abortion. I thought I would, but I don't.
 
As I write this, I am pregnant again - planned of course! My pregnancy has been smooth and there are no complications with my baby. I don't much think about the abortion, even though it does cross my mind from time to time. If you are facing an abortion, I hope you know that you are not alone. You are not a bad person and there is support available - either way. Making a decision is the hardest part. Search your soul and reach out to people who will help you make the best decision for you. Do not be forced into a decision by people who care only about being religious bigots or people who may have motives to persuade you to seek abortion. This is your choice, your body, and your life. Nobody else has to live it, just you. Either way, you are going to be just fine! I promise you that."  —Kacee

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