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My husband and I had been married for 5 years...

July 29, 2013

"My husband and I had been married for 5 years when I had to have an abortion. We were trying desperately to get pregnant and had finally decided to start using fertility drugs. I was just getting ready to start my second round and needed to do a pregnancy test before I started the drugs. To my surprise and immense joy it came up positive. My husband and I were so incredible happy we immediately started buying baby items and planning for the birth.
 
When I went in for my first blood tests they came back abnormal, but I was assured that there were many reasons for the readings to be off. My husband and I continued to buy baby clothes and even bought a baby book. My mom sent me maternity clothes she thought were cute, it was going to be her first grandchild.
 
At our first ultrasound my husband and I cried when we saw the little heart beating. Suddenly the technician got an odd look on her face and said she would be right back. Soon the doctor came in and explained to us that the ultrasound has shown severe abnormalities that indicated genetic problems.
 
My husband and I were devastated, but we still held out hope. We decided to get an amniocentesis done to get answers. We lived in a small, very religions town, and my doctor drug his feet to both do the amnio and to give me the results.
 
At 20 weeks we finally got the results of the amnio...they were bad. My doctor also told us we were having a son. The doctor gave me the news of my child's sex as if it were a joyous occasion. In the next week we traveled to nearby towns to talk to geneticist and other specialist to see if there was any hope. We were told that I had an 80% chance of spontaneous abortion, and if I did carry to term my son would probably die within the first weeks of life. We decided to terminate.
 
It was a two day procedure that was done at an abortion clinic. I honestly cannot remember the procedure. I also cannot remember the exact date of this tragedy...it is something that, to this day, I cannot fully face. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant and the estimated day of conception, but I am too weak to force myself to remember the day my son died. Even though I know we made the right choice, I am still filled with sadness and guilt that I had to terminate a pregnancy and loose a son I so desperately wanted. But I will be forever grateful that my husband and I were allowed to make the choice."  —Gen

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