Now my abortion story is quite different...

"Now my abortion story is quite different- everyone’s stories are. I’m in a long term relationship with my now fiancé and I was on the contraceptive injection. I was told it was the most accurate form of contraception but I’m one of those .1 percent to only get pregnant statistic spiel they give. I remember feeling so off for weeks but nothing clicked because I was on contraception? There was no way I was pregnant right? Until I bit into a roll of sushi, my absolute favourite food, and instantly gagged and started dry reaching (I never vomit not even when I’ve had a big night). I just knew in that moment. And there it was big black bold letters “pregnant” I remember the second I saw that little screen I was absolutely beside myself, my initial thought was “get it out of me.” I was hysterical, it still feels like a bad dream. I felt violated, I felt like my body was taken over. I did not feel “lucky” or “blessed” whatsoever. I do want kids, but not yet. It’s not supposed to feel like this. There was not one little part of me that considered not having an abortion, I was never “on the fence” in fact I booked the abortion within 20 minutes of finding out I was pregnant.

I had to have an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and see how far along I was, the sonographer told me I was “nine weeks and there’s for sure a baby in there” (I think some part of me needed the absolute confirmation and not just a pregnancy test) she then proceeded to ask if I wanted to see and I burst out crying and said no and explained the situation, she wasn’t judge-y but she was for sure not understanding or reassuring, she was just silent. I didn’t bring my partner along because I want the first time he’s in a room with me like that to be happy exciting times, not traumatic triggered/ ptsd. It was hard because a part of my partner did see it in the way of it being a blessing so that was a hurdle to get over, we did and he understood and was so supportive and it only made our relationship stronger like you wouldn’t believe. I then went on to have a surgical termination that the clinic paid for (I think they realised they had stuffed up with not testing if I was pregnant prior to administering and just covered and paid for everything). Me being a nurse myself I couldn’t go into my workplace for it so they paid for me to go to a private practice.

I woke up from the procedure feeling the most relieved I’ve ever felt. Like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I honestly felt so free. I know I want to be a mum, heck I can’t imagine not having kids in the future, but I know it wasn’t supposed to happen that way and I was not supposed to feel like that. There would have also been medical complications, as they administered the injection whilst I was pregnant without making me do a pregnancy test prior. But then again in saying that even if the baby was healthy I would have still gone ahead with the termination. I have slowly, slowly started taking about it here and there. As much as it is private and personal I do speak when it’s appropriate or if it comes up in conversation and very surprised with the positive response I’m getting and the “I’ve had one too” stories girls have told me, or the women who have heard people tell their stories and dying to tell theirs too but the social stigma and shame is too much.

I love that this podcast is breaking this. It was very hard to find other people’s stories whilst I was going through it and all you want in those situations is someone who can relate and understand so you feel like you aren’t alone. I watched the same two only Ted talks on YouTube I could find over and over again so I can’t even imagine how many women you’re helping. Thank you for giving us a voice and something to relate and feel connected too with sharing others experiences. And ladies you can never 100 percent rely on contraception! I never thought I’d be in the .1 statistic either." - Amelia

#birthcontrol #relief #notready

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