I would like to share my story...

"I would like to share my story because when I finally decided to have my abortion, I scoured the internet looking for stories similar to mine, but to no avail. I was 27. I already had 2 school aged children, but the thought of having a baby was very exciting. My situation was very unideal. I was married but my husband did not want children of his own (my children were from a previous marriage). So I strayed. I met the most amazing guy who fell in love with me and wanted children. I was 5 weeks when we found out. I was happy but so scared. He and my husband did not know of each other. I had planned on leaving my husband months prior but I just could not. I still loved him very much. This new guy just seemed to fill in for the things my husband lacked.

Anyway, he came to all of my appointments with me and was so happy to be a dad to be. We even did the gender testing and found out our baby was a little boy. I wanted this baby. But the more my tummy grew, the more scared I became. My husband did not notice. I was 12 weeks when I first called the clinic. I struggled so much with deciding which life I wanted. I was 14 weeks when I arrived at the clinic. I had my ultrasound and blood work done. As I sat in the waiting room, I began to sob. I finally got the courage to ask a receptionist to cancel my appointment. I left in a hurry so I could sob alone in my car. I drove 2 hours back home a wreck. I stopped to see my lover on the way back. We had lunch on his boat and he could tell I was upset about something. I could not tell him where I came from. Instead I just told him how excited I was to be a family.

That week we went house shopping. We talked about marriage and more kids. We talked about my kids and how he adored them. Still, I could not find it in my heart to love this man the way he deserved. I was a terrible person. I called the clinic again and made another appointment. I did not show, out of fear. So I made another the following week that I finally went to. I was 17 weeks. I was more calm this time. I knew this is what I needed to do in order to keep my family together. I could not tell any of my family I was having an abortion so I went alone. And going alone, they will not sedate you and you must endure the entire procedure awake.

I was at the clinic for 8 hours that day. I told my husband I was at work. The doctor had to dilate me and give me a medication to soften my cervix and I had to wait 4 hours before the procedure. That 4 hours was agonizing. I kept looking up ways to reverse the process. I kept researching what they would do to my baby. I was torturing myself. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home with my baby but I knew that was no longer an option. When the procedure finally began it was awful. I felt everything. I had a nurse hold my hands during the 10 minute process. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. It was so painful and even though the room was full of medical staff, I was alone. After the procedure I had cramps for about 10 minutes but I quickly went back to feeling normal.

Waves of sadness and regret constantly haunt me, but I felt it was my only option. I did not want to destroy the life I built with my husband and that my 2 children were accustomed to. In the end I feel it was the best choice. My story may be relatable to some or it may seem extremely selfish to some, but I hope it can at least help someone who is struggling with their own choice. You will be ok. You can do it." - Anonymous

#bestdecision #caringforotherchildren #confusion #regret

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