I was 20 at the time...

"I was 20 at the time, just a little over a year into my now, almost 6 year relationship. I fell pregnant shortly after I stopped taking my birth control pills. In September 2015, I developed an almost life threatening kidney infection that put me in the hospital, after that is when I stopped using my birth control pills to try and get my body back to “normal”. We conceived in February of 2016, and found out I was pregnant late March. To be honest, we both were not ready. Between experimenting in drugs (we are both clean now) and living at his parents house together, we knew we did not want to bring a child into this world with any worry that we wouldn’t be able to provide the life for them as we wanted and that they deserved. I had the abortion April 10, 2016. 9 days after losing my beloved family dog, the first pet loss I ever experienced. It was an extremely rough time for me, but I nevertheless moved on from everything, or so I thought. It is now 2020, our child would be turning 4 this fall/winter and it is something that never leaves my mind.

Although my boyfriend and I are still not fully ready, I pray that I will become pregnant again to try and fill the void that has remained since 2016. I don’t know if I will ever fully be able to overcome my feelings of guilt and self hatred when I continue to dwell on the termination and look at the ultrasound of our baby, of which I keep in a very special place, but I am trying like crazy. I know the empty feeling cannot be filled with another child but I can’t help but believe that it will help at least take my mind off of the guilt I have been feeling for these past 4 years. I am considering counseling finally and believe I am at the start of the right path to overcome this difficult decision that had to be made. Best wishes to all struggling with any type of depression or mental health issues because of abortion. 'Sometimes the right thing to do, isn’t always the right thing to do.'" - Anonymous

#mentalhealth #guilt #loss

Recent Posts

See All

content warning: rape, sexual abuse, suicide attempts, self harm "I am a Texan. I am a daughter, aunt, niece, wife and most importantly mother. I am a Texan mom. I am a Caucasian white female who was