I was 18...

"I was 18. I had been with my boyfriend for a year, and I was 2 months into my first semester in college, hours away from my hometown, when I found out that I was pregnant. We had always talked about growing together and even starting a family in the future, but never this soon. My whole life, I had always wanted children, even if it happened on accident. When I found out, I was scared, I didn't know what I was going to do. I knew all of the options that I had, but at the time, I wanted to keep that baby; and I thought my boyfriend would want to, too. When I told him, he freaked out and spiraled, asking so many questions. "You're on birth control, how could this even happen?" "We're 17 and 18 years old, we can't raise a child." "You need to get an abortion." I never thought that he would say that. I never thought that the man that I had been best friends with for years and my current partner would ever say that to me in this kind of situation.


So, we talked to his parents about it and they told me that it wasn't a good idea to have the baby either. They said my anxiety would get in the way of me being a good mother, that I wasn't fit to be a good mom. They told me I was going to ruin my boyfriends life if I had this baby. I was crushed. I went against what I thought was the right thing to do, and I scheduled a surgical abortion at Preterm. As we were driving there, I was having so many second thoughts, that I wasn't even doing this for myself. I was only doing this for my boyfriend and his family. He tried to talk to me on the way there, but I couldn't even utter a word. I was speechless at everything that I had been going on for the past few months. I could tell that he was upset as well, and maybe he didn't want me to do this either. Maybe he just agreed with his parents because he was scared of what they would think.


When I got there, they took me into the back room. Before the nurse made me take the pill to start the process, she asked me "Is anyone forcing you to do this?" and I had to tell her no. Even though this was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. After the procedure, I felt weak and very ill. As soon as I started waking up from the anesthesia, I felt violently ill and immediately threw up. I felt a rush of blood go down my legs. But most of all I felt numb. I felt like I had just made the worst decision of my life. To this day, my family still doesn't know about it and while I want to tell them, I don't think that it is necessary.


Almost two years later, and I still feel distraught from that situation. A few months after the procedure, I broke up with my boyfriend and decided to focus on myself because every time I saw him or his parents, I felt betrayed. Now, I have come to terms with my decision. I don't agree with how it happened and what the circumstances were, but I am happy that I went through with it. I would've had to raise a child with a father and a family who didn't even want them in their life. I most likely would've become a single mother in college and it really wouldn't of been a good situation. Now, I'm with someone who does treat me right and who I would love to have a family with in the future; and most of all, I'm happy." - Anonymous


#youngperson #happiness #scared

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