I found out that I was pregnant by luck...

"I found out that I was pregnant by luck. I was at university, three weeks into my second year and I mentioned jokingly to my friend how I still hadn't had my period. 'Lol can you actually imagine' is what I said to her, laughing. She told me it was better just to check, even though we both knew that I wasn't going to be. I didn't even take the test that day, but completely forgot until two days later when I saw it fleetingly at the bottom of my shopping bag. So I took the test and it was positive. I took two more and they were positive. I laughed for about three days just in complete shock. I wasn't with the father- we had had a very tumultuous relationship, well not even a relationship, but had been seeing each other on and off for about two years, but the summer before had been exclusive and ended due to university distance. He is in my friendship group and we have always remained close throughout it all. I hadn't even spoken to him since the end of summer and had to tell him on a phone call. We were both just in shock- I had been on the pill- and I had had almost zero symptoms apart from no period and a sudden aversion to smoking. It's safe to say it was extremely emotional for both of us and resulted in several disagreements just over how to handle it- I know it affected him just as it did me.

We didn't even speak about options, just when I would book an appointment. Now that remains one of my biggest regrets - not even speaking about another option for just five minutes. Logically it obviously made no sense. We weren't even together, both at university, had no money, both only 20. But since the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I didn't want it to go. I didn't want to book those appointments or to 'sort it out'. I thought I was maximum 5 weeks pregnant but after I went to the consultation I found out I was 10 weeks. The small attachment I had to it just grew by the second. It was mine. We had made it and it was us. Probably more attachment gained by the fact I had hopelessly wanted to be with this boy but it was his decision to end our relationship. Every day that got closer to the appointment gave me more stress and upset. I can't even tell you how much I cried. I knew I couldn't do it and what everyone would say if I didn't go through it. That is what made me do it- what everyone else thinks. And I can't tell you how ridiculous that is. It is you that has to live with the pain and regret every single day- no-one else.

I am passionately pro-choice and would support any woman who goes through an abortion but my advice would be to make sure it is what you want. Because it's final. You cannot change it once it is done. I have regretted what I did ever since and will live with that forever. I made sure to keep the picture of the scan of my baby because I can't let it go. I wanted to keep it and I didn't for the benefit of other people. You might think that's stupid but the societal pressures of young mums and attitudes towards people who choose that path is ridiculous. You have every right to keep what is yours. And I lost mine. It is something I will always regret. It wasn't him pressuring me in the slightest- I just didn't speak up about how I felt. Make sure you do what is right for you because it is something you have to live with forever." - Alice

#regret #prochoice #collegestudent

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