25. Successful. PREGNANT? ...

"25. Successful. PREGNANT!??! It was a one night stand with a guy that I've had a sexual past with. We had dated in the past a couple times, and known each other since high school days. Ad every time I saw him out, I just wanted to rip his clothes off. This time, it really happened. I asked if he had a condom, he said no...I thought "OH IT'LL BE FINE!" (little did I know). I even woke up the next day saying, "maybe I should get a plan b????" Nahhhh, he pulled out. I should be fine....wow. dumbest mistake I could've made in my life.

My last period was May 4th and remember clearly because it was the first day of my vacation that month. I was expecting my period to come before June 6th because I was going to another vacation where I would be in swimsuits. Of course I didn't want to be on my period. June 3rd, 4th, 5th come and go....my period was no where to be found. Here comes June 6th and still no period. I FREAK OUT. I'm the kind of person who NEEDS TO KNOW what's going on at all times. So instead of killing myself with curiosity, I bought 3 tests. ALL POSITIVE. One had a faint line so I was hopeful, then I read that it's only faint when HGC starts to show up (WHICH ONLY PREGNANT WOMEN HAVE). Ugh I wanted to die. I couldn't believe it. Here I am a successful 25 year old woman, beautiful car, my own place, traveling, just living my BEST life...and now, I'm pregnant...

I hate to say this, but if we're being real, as soon as I found out, I did not cry... I was just like wow that's crazy, now I have to get an abortion. I already knew what route I was going to take. There was just no way I could have a baby. A baby that was not made out of love, not made with my [future] husband, a baby that was going to come into this UGLY WORLD. I made an appointment a few days after I came back from vacation.

1st appt: In Texas you're required to have 2 appointments. The first one consists of blood tests, a consultation, and an ultrasound. Because I was so early, barely 3 weeks, you could see only like a small dot. The nurse said it wasn't even an embryo yet. I saw nearly 25 girls there. No one talked to each other. Everyone seemed nervous, scared, and just tired. By this time, I had decided to have the medical procedure because I didn't want to feel anything.

2nd appt: The night before my appointment was the first time I cried. The first time I actually got emotional and thought about the "what if's". A million things ran through my head. I called a depression hotline because I was so sad. I was confused now. I was SO sure that I wanted to do this, and just cried to sleep. Next thing I know, it's morning and I'm on the way to my appointment. I felt a little better. I knew I was making the right decision for MYSELF. Honestly, I don't remember anything. I don't even remember seeing the doctor. I remember hearing him but that was it. Next thing I know, I'm in my friends car on the way home. I bled a little and had cramps, but nothing different than a regular period.

This was the first and last abortion I hope to have. I hope I never have to do this again. I have promised myself to never have unprotected sex again. This was 100% my fault and could have been avoided. I could have saved $550 and a lifetime of what if thoughts. I can't ever say I'm happy this happened to me, but I can say I am glad it did. It's just another thing I have learned from and will grow from. Abortion was the right choice for me." - Sofia

#notready #confusion

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