Content warning: child abuse
“So, I had to collect change from my couch and car to buy my pregnancy test. I was working a job I loved (and eventually helped me move up in my career), but it didn't provide health insurance or very much money. My boyfriend (now husband) and I had been together for almost a year. At that time, I was still struggling with my relationship with sex. I had been abused as a child. When it came to sex, my body, and protection I was completely checked out. I know I should have been more careful, but honestly at that time I didn't even look at my body, I looked as sex as something nice for my boyfriend, not something I was a part of.
I found out I was pregnant at 2 weeks and scheduled my medical abortion that day. It was the first time in my life I went to a gynecologist. The clinic portion was okay, there were protesters but my friend was a badass and told them off. Having to do the actual miscarriage part at home sucked. It was like having 10 periods at once. There is a small sadness I will always carry with me. A "what if.” But honestly, I can't regret the choice I made. It was the right one. Afterwards, I got a better job, started going to therapy, got health insurance and learned I have an autoimmune disease that takes a lot of energy and money. My boyfriend and I learned how to be in a relationship, and I learned how to connect with my body and enjoy sex. Maybe some of that would have happened if I had carried the baby to term. But probably not. If we ever have a baby, I want it to have the best life. All children deserve that. I knew I couldn't provide that.” - Nichole