My name is Cila and this is my story...


Content warning: emotional abuse

“My name is Cila and this is my story. I was 13 years old when I had to make the biggest decision that would change my life forever. Growing up I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I have always adored children and I was always around them. I had a boyfriend at the time - he was 16 - we were in a very serious, mature relationship that was never able to keep stable and faithful because we were both kids trying to have a serious relationship like adults would. We took each other’s virginity and we never used condoms, but neither one of us really thought about the outcomes that would come from not practicing safe sex. Our relationship was very unstable. We were always breaking up and getting back together. He was very manipulative and emotionally abusive.

The day we found out I was pregnant he was very excited. I was very much in shock. I was on lots of sports teams at my high school. I knew my parents would be very disappointed. But most importantly, I wanted nothing more but to go to college and do something more with my life than just raise a child and have a man take care of me for the rest of my life. When I told my parents, my dad was very supportive but he was leaning towards me getting an abortion. My mom was very against having an abortion and it led to a lot of arguments. I felt very alone. I was thirteen years old with something growing inside of me and I had no idea what I was going to do.

My parents took me to the doctor to have my first ultrasound and I remember feeling so awkward in the waiting room looking around and seeing all these older women and their husbands and how excited they looked. I couldn’t help but feel jealousy because that is what I have always wanted, too. The doctor gave me lots of “teen mom” packets and groups to go to and I just remember feeling very overwhelmed.

Me and the father fought like crazy and he kept threatening me, telling me once I had it he was going to take it and never let me see it and all of these hurtful things. I was very stressed out - I had hives and breakouts covering my whole body. I would lay in bed all night long and cry until my body would feel so weak that I would just end up falling asleep. I knew I wanted an abortion because I wanted to build myself a future and then bring a child into this world. I didn’t want to carry it and then give it away to someone else because I knew I could never be able to live every day knowing I have a child on this earth that I would never see again.

I went to the abortion clinic with just my dad because he was the only one that supported me. I remember before they put me to sleep I was crying so much because I was so scared and I wanted nothing more but for someone to be there for me. After I had the procedure, I woke up and the first thing I asked for was the father. I wanted nothing more but for him to be there with me, to support me, and tell me everything was okay, but he wasn’t. I left, went home, and had no pain. If anything, it felt like nothing even happened. It was almost scary how quick and painless the whole procedure was.

Me and the father broke up soon after that. Now, I have graduated high school and am a freshman in college striving and working for the best future for myself. I love children. I want lots of children and a husband one day. I want to be able to bring children into this world that won’t ever have to watch their parents struggle to make sure they get everything they need and want growing up. I did always tell myself that after the abortion was done and over with that I would just forget about it. That was not the case at all. I still think about it. I still think about how traumatized I am from that whole experience that I had to go through at such a young age. I don’t think about the fetus that I aborted, but more about how awful I was treated by the people that I thought loved me the most.

I think having an abortion is a right for any woman of any age. Women should not be forced to carry a child into this world that they do not want. People should be more supportive and help others instead of bringing them down further than they already feel themselves. Not a lot of people know about my abortion experience just because it is such a controversial topic. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but no one should talk down to another women about a choice that she wants to make, that has to do with her body and her future. Especially someone that has never been in her shoes. Thank you for reading, and I hope my experience gives other young girls the courage to stick up and fight for their own body and their future, even when no one else is on your side.” - Cila

#youngperson #unhealthyrelationship #prochoice

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