“I fell ‘in love’ while in high school. So blind & useless at everything that I fell pregnant when my life was falling apart. While kicking it with my ‘then’ boyfriend, I would always come home to a troubled family. I would always forget that I had a human being growing inside of me, I was too focused on what my problems were than my own child. My true feelings were that happiness all mothers feel when finding out but at the same time I had a heavy heart. I couldn’t tell my parents any news or even people close to me. I was scared of how the world would judge me and my decisions.
My heart was so heavy that I couldn’t control my feelings or thoughts that were running through my head at the time, I was young, stupid and never really knew why I was blessed at such a young age. I had lost control over everything and let the baby’s dad come up with an idea on how we should handle things. We would plan but guys are guys, he gave up on me and literally brought up the ‘we’re young’ slang like he didn’t care about me or our child. I was dumb to cry all night just cause I never had support from the person who ‘then’ loved me. I couldn’t believe it. In all honesty I couldn’t have a child without its father and that isn’t an excuse to do what I did, I’m being real.
I knew it would be a sin, especially growing up in a Christian family. I was scared I would get punished for what I did and how I handled the situation. Long story short, I attended all appointments and the first scan alone without the baby’s father. All because I was ashamed of what I was doing to my child.
The day of the abortion felt like it was a normal day for me…weird right? Once I heard my name get called out, I soon then panicked. I wasn’t going to do the abortion. I couldn’t cause I was scared. Too many things crossing my mind and I ended up having the worst experience ever.
Fast forward to the after pain, I felt empty. Honestly, I felt like my heart was ripped out and I couldn’t breathe. I would always doze off to sleep. Meanwhile, waiting to get discharged I was reading through all papers and calling baby’s dad at the time, I still felt like that was a bad decision and I knew I had to fully ask God for forgiveness. He was watching my every move and tested my loyalty.
That’s how I saw my situation. God was testing me and also blessed me with the most amazing gift, YES it was the wrong timing but to him it was the right time. I failed him and returned His gift. That’s how I really saw it. No lies. Yes I was young, dumb and broke, but to God I wasn’t. Here I am, 3 almost 4 years later still thinking of my dumb decision but taking care of myself and always praying for forgiveness. I do wish to have kids in the near future. I will then treat the situation with pure love and happiness. Remember you are not alone.” –Anonymous