I was 22 when I had my abortion...

“I was 22 when I had my abortion. Yikes, even up to now I find it difficult to accept and say the word. I was madly in love with my ex at the time, but he never took our relationship seriously. He was my very first boyfriend and I gave him my body and soul. I really cannot remember how far long in the pregnancy I was. I remember missing my period and possibly over a months’ time I realized that it really wasn't coming at all so then I approached him and told him.

He then said that we couldn't keep it. At one point we spoke about marriage and a future together. I was in a state of utter shock and just went with the flow because I was scared to face my parents with the news. Being from a traditional Indian family that would've been a definite taboo in their eyes. Plus, I had plans to study abroad and having a baby would have definitely changed that. He then took me to a doctor that was a bit dodgy in my eyes and he gave me tablets to take.

I started bleeding and in two days’ time nothing happened. My ex then took me to another doctor that apparently did these procedures quite often and he did a vacuum abortion. I had the massive support of a dear friend that helped me through it all both mentally and physically. I was in a state of shock and the feeling of loss hit me straight away. I must have blanked out lots of memories in order for me to deal with it all.

I am still trying to deal with the feelings of loss and trauma from the way that was dealt with. I remember the physical pain and the feeling of emptiness that even after having one child later cannot fill. It has broken me in the past but now nearly 16 years later I can finally move on. I recently started talking to my ex again and he has apologized to me for all that. That has really helped in my healing process but the emptiness still is there. I still speak to my angel baby and still feel sadness and regret of what I've done. When I look into my sons eyes now he still reminds me that I'm extremely blessed to have him in my life. He is always healing me with his love. I'm still a work in progress.” –Anonymous

#international #loss #regret

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