“My period was 5 days late when I took a pregnancy test which confirmed I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. I’m 24 and had very recently reconnected with a guy I had been sleeping with briefly the year before. At first it didn’t really sink in and I think my initial response was laughing.
After a couple of days I really started to freak out and it didn’t help that I was unable to get through to the dad. When he eventually got in contact (he’d lost his phone), I told him and he was shocked but supportive. His support is, for me, what made me think of him as more than just a person I was sleeping with. My feelings for him became really strong. It was a really hard decision. Every day I changed my mind about what I wanted to do, but eventually I decided to end the pregnancy.
My sister came with me and stayed with me until the next day, after which the dad was meant to come. He never did. He wasn’t there when I needed him the most and I was left on my own the day after my abortion in tears. I had just started a new job too, so I had to get back to normal pretty quickly so that no one asked any questions.
I’ve since been able to confide in one of my colleagues who has been a massive support to me. Myself and the dad had a very up and down relationship since the abortion which has since ended for good. I have really struggled with my decision, and I don’t think our turbulent relationship helped. Some days I’ve felt anxious and even a bit depressed, sometimes I just cry for hours about it. I often wonder ‘what if’ and imagine how my life would be different now (I would be about 6 months pregnant now).
However, I am so grateful that I had the choice, and ultimately made the decision I did. I’m not ready to raise a child and I don’t have the financial stability to give it the best life it deserves. It’s been the hardest decision of my life and I didn’t expect to feel the way I do about it, even now, and how I probably will feel for time to come. I find writing about it does really help me and I’m going to start counselling so that I’m able to think of the experience differently and in a way which will not negatively impact me anymore.”