“22 years old, mother of a 16-month-old wonderful little girl. I had recently separated from her father. I had a new boyfriend, wonderful relationship… and a positive pregnancy test. I was 14 weeks 5 days when I went through a two-step abortion procedure. I struggled with the decision from the moment I took the test. I love kids, I want more. But the timing is so not right—I’m just not ready. My mind raced every day and every night until finally, the decision was clear, and abortion was the right option. The only option.
I jumped on a plane and 24 hours later I was sitting in a colorful, welcoming room with a very sweet, very energetic woman. Signing paper after paper, checking every box until I see ‘are you 100% sure in your decision’. YES. I go up the stairs, wait in a warm little room with comfy couches and Netflix to watch. I was alone. Then there was 3, then 5, then 10. All rotating during each step of the process, all talking and sharing stories, discussing birth control options. Girl-on-girl love and compassion. It was amazing. There were 24 abortions that day. That number was astonishing, did I expect it? No. But it was wonderful, knowing there’s someone just like you out there. Going through the same shit as you are.
The procedure itself scared the hell out of me, and everyone else. But the nurses and doctors were so kind, the medications were flowing and the support from others in the room was overwhelming. My abortion took 8 hours start to finish. A long day. But honestly a good day. After the ultrasound, blood work, and Ativan, my nerves started to get worse. Then better. Then they called my number ‘8422’ (no names). Nerves again.
The first step is over with, cramps but that’s it. Now it’s really started, I’m taking control of a situation I didn’t think I would survive, I didn’t think I would make it through another day of stress. I am taking my life back. Step 2, lying flat on a bed with legs up, exposed. But not uncomfortable. There was a support nurse by my side, TV on the ceiling, laughing gas—I was out of it. I didn’t feel a thing, but my mind wouldn’t stop. I was so worked up that I thought it was going to be the most pain I’ve ever experienced, worse than natural childbirth, that I didn’t even feel a thing! It’s like my mind took over my body. Then it was done.
The recovery room had warm blankets, heating pads, and snacks! I talked to the other girls in recovery and the wonderful nurse who was there all day with us. It was like a friend you’ll never see again. ‘I feel amazing’ was my first response after I got up and got dressed. This was liberating. I actually was able to change my life. I chose to allow myself time to prepare before having another baby. I chose to not bring a baby into the world when I don’t know where me and my current partner will be 6 months from now. I chose me. I chose my daughter. My body, my choice. And it was the best choice.” —Anonymous