I was 17 when I found out...

“I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I took the test with my boyfriend there with me. We've been dating for half a year at that time and used condoms always, it broke once, but we figured it shouldn't be a problem. It is quite complicated to get a Plan B in my country.

He came from a super Christian family, so for them abortion wasn't an option. We told his parents, who immediately started to plan our life for us. They told me that I have to move in with them, and they will help with the baby while my boyfriend goes to university, and we have to marry each other before the baby is born. It took me 4 days before I was brave enough to tell my mom. She was disappointed and sad and worried about me and asked me if I wanted an abortion.

Later she told me that she and my grandmother also had abortions when they were teenagers, and everything would be okay. After hearing this, I felt relieved, after the four days of pressure from my boyfriend's family. I didn't want to be a mom at 17, and definitely didn't want to marry my boyfriend and make his family my family. The next day I told them my decision, which they didn't take well, and tried everything to stop me, by guilt tripping me, shaming me and my family. I had a surgical abortion at 8 weeks.

I had to go in the hospital the night before, and I was put in a room with five other people, who were in for various reasons. Two pregnant ladies, one who had a hysterectomy, one who had a burst cyst, and a woman who also was in for abortion. In the morning the doctors came in for inspection, and the amount of hate in their eyes was overwhelming. So far, everyone I talked to was nice, but these people really went out of their way to make me feel what they were thinking of me.

After that I had my last uv test before the procedure. My mom came in with me for the test, which was performed by a doctor I hadn't seen before. She told me that I was pregnant with twins. She was surprised no one informed me about that before. I am a twin myself, so upon hearing this I had to excuse myself and get out from the room. My mom called my dad and they told me that it was okay if I wanted to change my mind, and I can leave if I want to. After a few minutes I decided I wanted to go through with it. The procedure was not painful, I was sleeping during it.

When I woke up, I started crying, and it felt like forever till I could stop. I went home after and recovered pretty quickly without complications. It's been 6 years, and I'm still not over it. My boyfriend and I broke up shortly after, which is for the best, I think. Since then I found the perfect guy, and we are engaged. But the amount of guilt and shame I had is so much. I was afraid to tell anyone, I was afraid that they won't talk to me after knowing what I did. I started dating people after it, and I just couldn't tell them, but also felt that they deserve better than me. My now-fiancé was the person I could open up about it, and now I am finally able to talk about it to other people. All my friends know about it now, and it was good to hear what they think. I finally can start to heal. It is so important to talk about it, I feel horrible that I wasted all these years bottling up what I feel, instead of accepting it and moving on.” —Anonymous

#international #youngperson #shame #sadness

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