I'm 23 years old...

"I’m 23 years old and I had the termination 6 months ago and am still not over it. I thought it would make everything easier but it’s just gotten harder. Me and my boyfriend had only been together a few months before I found out I was pregnant in December. I wanted it a lot more than my partner and my family, I definitely put everyone else’s decision before mine, which has made me massively regret it. I feel guilty every day and I feel like something is missing.

I had a surgical abortion as I was further along than I thought, I was 10 weeks and 2 days. The whole experience was horrendous, the place where I had it done was showing a program on “how to dress your baby bump” in the waiting room. A few days after I had the abortion the pain and bleeding got so bad I was rushed to the hospital where I was left for four hours heavily bleeding and constantly running to the toilet, and then told to go home and wait it out.

Apparently when I had the abortion a part was missed so I had to go through a miscarriage to get rid of the rest. For weeks and weeks after I had heavy bleeding to the point where I’d wake up soaked I knew something was wrong with my body but no one would help me. I went to the doctors 5 or 6 times before they found out I had pelvic inflammatory disease. I was waiting for a scan for 6 months to make sure everything was okay. I still feel traumatized by the whole thing and it’s massively affected my relationship and everyday life, after having the scan and knowing everything is ok now has helped and I’m finally getting my old self back.

Even in this day people have made me feel like having an abortion is wrong and even though I had serious complications it was like I did it to myself so I should deal with the consequences. I was constantly told by my family and my partner that I wasn’t ready to be a mom and I knew I could have done it but I also knew I wasn’t in the right position to give my child everything he or she needed. I hate my decision, but I know it was the right one." —Jessica

#guilt #loss #notready #bestdecision #complications

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