I would like to start off by saying reading these stories helped me get through the toughest time in

“I would like to start off by saying reading these stories helped me get through the toughest time in my life. I am 44 yrs old. I have a 10 and 7 yr old. They are everything to me. I started out being a older mother. In 2007 I was pregnant and at 36 weeks found out my daughter died of a cord accident. I then had my other two.

I was married for 14 unhappy years. I finally was divorced two yes ago. The father of my two daughters is out of the picture. I met my husband and we will be married a yr this June. I got pregnant a yr ago Dec. I ended up miscarrying. I had to take a pill to help me contract to make sure everything was out. That was horrible!!

This March on what would have been my stillborn daughters birthday I was late on my period. At 44 this isn’t that uncommon. Something didn’t feel right. I asked my husband to bring home a test I was ready to face the music. I told him I will pee and you go look. I turned around and before I got out of the bathroom it was a big ol’ Positive!!

My heart dropped. I immediately was scared. At that moment I knew this is not what I wanted in life. I’m 44 I have two other children. Thinking what if something happens to me?!?! They will go directly to my ex! In my case that would be horrible for my kids. What if something was wrong with the baby? If that fair to think when I’m gone my two other children would have to take care of this child? My head wouldn’t stop.

I called my Ob. I was honest I didn’t want this in my life. She had me come in and had my levels checked. Yes indeed I was pregnant. She said you are 44 this is so unlikely to be a viable pregnancy. All I could think of was Whew!! Check my levels again they doubled. I was so nauseous! She wanted me to have an ultrasound. This was the last and final thing before I had to make a decision. I was loosing hope.

I called Preterm set up a appointment for that coming Sat. The day of the ultrasound I was so nervous. I went to leave and my car wouldn’t start!! This can’t happen!! I called them they told me if I was more than 10 minutes late they wouldn’t do it. I said I have to have this done today! Well, they have lunch. My mom came and got me I called them and I said I am on my way.

My mom came and got the room with me. I was so nervous. She asked do you want to see or hear. I said absolutely not. I also wanted to make sure they found something because Preterm said over the phone if they didn’t see a heartbeat I would have to wait two weeks. I was 7 at the time. After all said and done, I looked at the tech and asked, Is this viable? She said yes. Heart once again dropped.

Now it was up to me to make the decision I knew in my heart was right. I didn’t want to make it though. My husband was back and forth. Then seeing the risks that could be involved he knew this was the right decision. Although, I would have loved to have a child with him, not at 44.

I went to Preterm Sat. They were wonderful. I was comfortable and I knew this was right. I had to wait over a week before the procedure. Ugh!!! This felt like torture. Yet I understand. I was on a waiting list. They had called to get me in sooner. I finally decided.

I was comfortable knowing a woman would be doing my procedure. Not that a man can’t. It made me more comfy. I stuck it out. As my nerves were going everyday. I started to spot a well prior. Again my hope were up. You have to remember 44. You have a 1.6 % for a viable pregnancy. Nothing happened.

The night before my procedure I was scared. I was calm yet scared. I just wanted this over and done with. Yet I was scared of the procedure. Am I going to wake up? Will I hemorrhage? Nothing else was going in my favor. The what if ‘s took over. I didn’t sleep a lot that night. Woke up at midnight with terrible cramping. I was on the couch felt like I leaked pee?? Finally got up and I was soaked in blood!! My couch, everything. I went to the bathroom had a small clot.

You have to be kidding me?!?! The day of. Now I’m miscarrying?!?! I didn’t know what to do? I wasn’t panicked but I was thinking I didn’t have to go to Preterm now. I didn’t have to deal with protesters. I felt some relief Not that anything was wrong with Preterm.

I called my Ob who said, You need to keep your appointment if you didn’t pass it all it needs to come out anyway. We went to Preterm they did an ultrasound. Thinking I was miscarrying. Nope! I wasn’t!! The placenta was detaching from the uterus. Here I was I have no choice I have to do this!

Granted I have a choice but my choice was not to have another baby. My kids were my fight. I need to be here for them. We had already been through enough. I didn’t want to find out down the road something was terribly wrong and have to make this decision later.

I was taken down to the room. I was in tears out of fear I would wake up. I had mild sedation with an iv. It was fast and done. I was alive!! I made it!! The staff at Preterm are amazing!! I asked do you get old people like me often? The oldest was 53!! So ladies we still can get pregnant when we are older!!

This is the day after. I’m doing well. No cramping slight bleeding. I feel good. I feel relieved! I don’t have regrets and I am glad I had a safe place to go. If I go back to 1995 I did the same thing. I went to a different city and let me tell you my experience then was horrible compared to Preterm! I was 21. That other clinic was dirty and gross. In recovery I was in a closet that had two chairs in it. I had horrible clots after that one and developed an infection.

Preterm is the place to go in my area. Safe wonderful people. We need to keep places like Preterm open. Woman need safe places to go. The government shouldn’t have a say in what we choose for whatever reason we choose it.

I hope this gives someone hope. I was scared I suffer from anxiety and PTSD from my previous relationship. I did it. I promise you will be fine! Make sure you go to a reputable place that is safe. Make sure your decision is yours. It’s your body. You got this ladies!!” —Anonymous

#miscarriage #caringforotherchildren #married #confusion #bestdecision

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