I feel like my story is unlike most others... at least from what I have seen...

“I feel like my story is unlike most others... at least from what I have seen. Although I do not regret what I did, I often worry and feel guilt for the circumstances. I know a pro-lifer would absolutely despise me. I feel as if most people would.

My story begins when my boyfriend whom I was dating for two years and I broke up. We were apart for 2 months, during which time I was doing a lot of drinking with a guy I met through mutual friends. After 4 months, my boyfriend and I got back together. I got my period, so naturally I didn't worry about being pregnant even though I was never safe with the other guy the one time we did it, about a week before I got back with my boyfriend.

We had decided to try for a baby. Late September , I find out I'm pregnant. At first we were over joyed. We both wanted it so bad. Then came the ultrasound. It dated me from my lmp which I thought was fine. As the pregnancy went on I couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. I ordered a very expensive non invasive prenatal DNA test, just to make sure my loving, wonderful, supportive boyfriend was the father. Two weeks later came devestating news. He was not. We had talked about this but never thought it could become a reality. I had an abortion booked for the very next day.

Being 12 weeks along at the time, I was very upset. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I was angry. I felt every negative emotion one could feel. The clinic I went too was very supportive. My bf was beside himself, but never once forced me into it. It was my choice. I could not imagine having a baby with anyone else. The guy who got me pregnant was already with other girls, living carelessly and worry free. He was not going to be a father to my child. He was not going to be a permanent part of my life.

The procedure was quick, although I did get asked a lot of questions because they couldn't understand how my situation came to be (the dates made no sense, the time line added up for my boyfriend) I was lost. They were very supportive none the less.

Once it was over I cried for a very long time. Probably more so for what could have been. I had a good job, I have a stable home. I still feel like less of a person for my choice because of my circumstances. I do not feel this way about anyone else who had to go what I went through. I still get sad and angry at myself. I question the tests results and constantly go through what ifs.

I grew up without a family. That's all I ever wanted for my children, and I wouldn't have been able To give that baby one. I'm expecting again and feel as if something will go wrong. I feel as if I deserve it.

I'll end this by saying I do not regret my choice. I would be alone, without support, and lacking financial means. There's just always been the what if.” —Anonymous

#confusion #sadness #guilt

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