“Hello, I am 22 years old.. Currently a student studying Accounting. I have had a boyfriend for about 2.5 years, though it wasnt steady... He is a good guy. We had a rocky time and it led me to find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was taken advantage of, with protection. I reported the incident but could never tell my boyfriend.
Anyways I found myself pregnant. I was in shock. Me and my boyfriend have been using the pull out method for 2.5 years.. Also hes not known to be very fertile. Which led me to believe.. There WAS A CHANCE it was not his. Although how can I be sure? I spent weeks crying, stressing.. Ruining my new years and my christmas over this.
My boyfriend was so joyful and happy. He wanted me to have a baby. As he tried to convince me to have one.. It became almost a bribery. He told me he would give me this give me that.. And for someone with no money that was an awful lot to promise. Not to mention he did not know that i was taken advantage of during the time I fell pregnant.
It was too much. I began to lose sleep. Lose my mind. My boyfriend told everyone. His family, his extended family. He was putting pressure on me when he knew I was unsure. Nevertheless, i spoke with my educated friends and they told me I should have an abortion.
I explained to my boyfriend my choice. He wasnt happy. He pretended to be heart broken and told me he wouldnt be there for me. He would not come to the clinic. Anyways i proceeded. I went to the clinic that day with my two girlfriends who were super supportive. I got inside not knowing what to expect. As i went through the counselling and waiting stage i was bawling.
I was thinking of my boyfriend.. How he feels. I thought about how everyone feels but me. By the time i got on the operating table i was terrified. They allowed me to go for a cigarette after they did an ultrasound(which i did not see). After a cigarette and talk with my friends.. I went back in. When the nurse tried to give me the IV i would not cooperate. I was crying and they told me i need to take more time. I ran out relieved.
When i had gotten home i told my boyfriend and gave him hope. He began to convince me again and i thought i could do it. Then reality hit. I didnt want this baby. I dont trust my boyfriend to support it. He has a history of anger management problems and i dont need that now. AND NOT TO MENTION it may not be his. In which case my life would be over.
I schedualed another appointment. I spent a week thinking.. Worrying. But this time i was determined. I was now 9 weeks pregnant. I spoke with my mother and she helped alot. I suggest speaking to your mom if you can.. That support saved me.
Anyways i went with my bestfriend who came last time. This time the clinic was packed. I didnt mind it because i didnt feel alone. When i went into counselling not one tear was shed. The counsellor told me im confident, strong and ready.
This time my head was filled with the millions of women who die of illegal abortion. The women who have no rights over their body and wish to be able to do what im doing. I felt privledged.
I have to tell you from here on in i dont remember much. I got tense and scared but i still kept calm. The nurses were speaking to me and gave me the drugs. As soon as i got the drugs i got so high it was funny. I went off talking about perogies.. Anyway. The pain of the surgical abortion was less than a bad period. I felr pressure. Thats it. And extremely high.
I had nightmares of this moment (when it would be over) and honestly... I felt like i conquered the world. I felt amazing with no regret. It creeps up on me at times but if youre asking why this fetus didnt get a chance.. Ask yourself why the next child doesnt get a chance. The child youre ready for. You have the right to choose and your choice may not be the best one but its the right one.” —Anonymous