“Growing up in a small town in the Midwest, you are surrounded by people who all think the same. Most of them are Christian and where I'm from all of them are far right Republicans. All through my childhood I heard the same things from everyone. Our President was an idiot. Homosexuality is an abomination. And abortion is the most selfish, heartless thing anybody could do. And you bet I believed every word of it.
I remember my Junior year of high school I wrote a persuasive paper and gave a presentation about why abortion was wrong. It was something I felt so strongly about. Then I graduated, moved in with my boyfriend and started college. My boyfriend was a pathological liar and narcissist. And he cheated on me multiple times. But I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love.
During one of our break ups after he cheated on me, I found out I was pregnant. It was fall of 2013. I was about a month and a half into my college career. I was scared. And when I found out I was pregnant, I had the thought of termination.
Instead we patched things up and began preparing for a new baby. In summer of 2014 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And we began our journey as a family. Unfortunately, the cheating and lying had not stopped. But I kept trying to make it work. He even proposed to me later that winter. And I said yes.
But about a month later, he cheated again. And this time it was different. After I found out, I spent 2 months trying to decide whether to stay or go. I left. Even though I thought I still loved him. I knew the cheating would never stop. However, even after I moved out and took my beautiful baby with me, that didn't stop me from being pulled back to him.
We hooked up multiple times over the next few months. And in fall of 2015 I found myself pregnant again. I felt stupid that I let this happen. I felt scared. Scared because I knew if I carried on with this pregnancy, I would lose my friends all over again. I would be lonely. And you know who would be there? My ex. He would be there taking care of me and wanting to be a family again while still getting some on the side. And I would be miserable. And my children would grow up thinking it's normal for daddies to lie to mommies and for mommies to be sad and cry all the time.
I didn't want to end back up with someone I fought so hard to get away from. I was scared because I knew if I went on with this pregnancy I would probably drop out of school. I would have to get a full time job that would still probably barely cover my expenses. I felt like it wasn't fair to my son. He deserved more time with me. He deserved a mom who graduated from college and earned her degree. He deserved a mom who could provide him with everything he ever wanted. He deserved better.
Having another baby would have broken me. Financially. Emotionally. Possibly even physically. And I wasn't going to give that up. I didn't want another child with someone I resented. I just didn't want another child. So I told my one friend who I knew would support my decision. And he drove me two hours to a Planned Parenthood clinic.
I was very nervous, but the staff there were extremely caring and comforting. First they did an ultrasound to see how far I was. I was 6 weeks and 4 days. So they could have given me a pill or do a surgical procedure. I opted for the surgical because it was slightly more accurate. It cost $500. I was given a pill that would slightly sedate me. I went in to the procedure feeling fine. During, I felt a sharp pinch and started crying because I felt horrible and second guessed my decision. But the nurse calmed me. And told me that I was so strong.
After the procedure I sat in a recovery area and my friend was allowed to come back and see me. He made me laugh and showed me funny videos. I felt relaxed. I felt relieved. Over a year later, I do not regret the decision I made to have an abortion. I regret my decisions I made that put me in that situation. But I did the best I could with what I had at the time.
There is no invalid reason for an abortion. You don't have to be dying to need an abortion. It's okay to not want kids. It's okay to feel like you're not ready right now. It's okay to make the right decision for you, no matter what anyone else might say. This is why I will fight until my dying day for a woman's right to choose.” —Anonymous