I became pregnant as the result of a rape on a night out...

"My abortion experience was hideous. I became pregnant as the result of a rape on a night out.. I won't go into exact details about that. I had sex with him a second time two days later when he turned up at my house unexpectedly. The day after that I took the morning after pill, but strangely I knew I was already pregnant. I felt different.

The person who got me pregnant insisted he attend every pre-abortion appointment I had, to remain in control, but I refused. The day before my abortion was booked he accused me of making the whole thing up "for attention". I was so angry I demanded he attend the abortion to see for himself what he had done to me. I wish I had not done that as it put undue pressure and stress on me. He saw the scan and I'm sure he knew I was actually pregnant and not making it up. I would never lie about anything like that.

I had a medical abortion and I was having second thoughts about it in the room when I went to have it. The nurse didn't really seem concerned that I was anxious and having second thoughts and just gave me the pills to take and insert as if they were paracetamol. The pain started about an hour and a half after I had taken the pills. I am not trying to sound dramatic, or intending to frighten anyone, but it was the worst and most intense pain I have ever, ever experienced. I am used to having heavy and painful periods but this was beyond anything I could have imagined. I was curled up naked in a ball in the bath for 6 hours in agony, hyperventilating and crying. The pain subsided a bit after 800mg of Ibuprofen and 90mg of codeine.

I lay in bed for the rest of the night feeling numb. I then received a text from the person who made me pregnant saying he was going back to his girlfriend. Clearly it was his prerogative that he see that the baby was aborted so he could carry on with his life. Throughout he insisted I could not have the baby and pressured/emotionally blackmailed me. I am a vulnerable person and suffer from mental health issues so I think I was easily manipulated by him and he knew it. I hate him so much for putting me through this and the actions that he decided to take in having sex with me against my will. I reported him to the police shortly after and the investigation is currently ongoing.

Please think very carefully about your decision, I have had days where I feel deeply guilty about my decision and feel I made it too fast and in the wrong circumstances...however, I could not have raised my rapists baby, and certainly not alone." —Alice

#rape #mentalhealth #shame

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