"I am 22 and recently had an abortion. I have been with my boyfriend 5 years and am currently training to be an accountant. I live with my boyfriend’s family, and am in alot of debt. My parents are very well off and I have no savings. When i found out i was pregnant, part of me was happy to know i was able to get pregnant but the other half knew i couldn’t go through with it. i was drowned with exams and had no money for a house. I know i would of had support around me, but myself and my boyfriend decided not to tell anyone and to keep this between ourselves.
When i have children i want to be able to give them my all, and now a days love doesn’t cut that. I needed a house, to feed them, and one day when i was qualified i knew i would be able to give them everything and more. I couldn't live at my boyfriend’s and was faced with a horrible decision. i feel i made the right decision but everyday i always think what i would be like if i would have kept it, or i just want another baby now to replace the abortion so i don’t feel so guilty. I have so much going on that i just want to quit studying now and just feel numb really.
My abortion was pretty horrific, i had the medical abortion, my first tablet was fine, my second however kicked in after 20 minutes. I couldn't stop being sick and was in excruciating pain. I bled for 2 and half weeks after and passed alot of tissue which felt very strange. I now have the coil in place and so i never have to go through that ever again and will get this removed when i have my own house and I am ready.
My boyfriend was very supportive towards this all, but i can’t help but get sad about this often. Especially when people around me find out they cannot conceive, i feel even worse and want to throw up. Overall anyone wanting to wait, i don’t think this is selfish. Wanting the best for your own future and your children’s is the best in my eyes. And one day I hope to have 4 children that i can fulfill this with. I hope I can help others and many people have helped me with my decision by reading online stories." —Holly