It was the beginning of August ...

"It was the beginning of August. We had just gotten married and were still on a high from a beautiful day with family and friends. About a year ago, when we got engaged, I had a doctor's appointment where they told me I had PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). One of leading causes of infertility in women is PCOS and I was immediately scared. About a month before we got married I decided to go off of my birth control to see if I could get pregnant. We talked a lot about it before and we decided that if I did get pregnant shortly after going off my birth control, then I would have an abortion.

I was finishing grad school, I was working at an abortion clinic as a patient advocate and I felt very strongly about being "ok" choosing abortion and about not being ready for a baby. Well... two weeks after getting married I took a positive pregnancy test. Not only was I not infertile, but I had gotten pregnant almost immediately after going off of the pill. As soon as I saw the positive test I knew I wanted an abortion. My husband, however, was completely excited. He told me all the reasons why we could make it work, he talked about how the baby was made out of love (I agreed) and he said that we were ready.

Two days after taking the test I got an ultrasound and found out it was twins. It was at that point when I decided I was the gatekeeper and I was going to make the decision on my own. Two days later I was with my mom at the clinic having an abortion at 6 weeks with conscious sedation. When I got home, I told my husband I had a miscarriage. We cried. He brought his mother over. She told me about her miscarriages. We cried.

It has been six months since my abortion and I do not regret it. I do not regret telling my husband it was a miscarriage and I do not regret taking control of my body and our lives. We plan to try again this summer and I am excited. I feel a weight lifted that I know I can get pregnant and I feel strong within myself. I am grateful for choice and I am grateful for the women around me who support me and love me and understand the strength women have within them." —anonymous

#confidence #married #notready

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