"I was 15 and he was my first real boyfriend. He was older than me. He had dropped out of school. I knew he was involved with some drug use, but I had never experienced or been around anything like that. I wasn't sure how to handle it. We dated a month or so before he began to pressure me about becoming physical. My telling him I wasn't sure if I was really ready to do what he wanted seemed to be okay with him at first, but it started to irritate him. What started as what I know now to be verbal abuse turned physical.
After a few instances of this, I decided to end the relationship only to find out he had left town. None of his family or friends knew where he had gone. I thought I had gotten off easy. Months went by without any word from him, and I was starting to feel more like myself again. He showed up at my job 4 months after he had disappeared. He tried to convince me to go with him after work so we could talk. He seemed calm enough, so I agreed to leave with him. He drove us to his house and we went to his room to talk. The conversation quickly turned angry, and he became violent when I told him I was going to leave. He raped me and left me at his house without a ride. I hid what happened from everyone because I blamed myself for making him angry. I didn't think anyone would believe me and would accuse me of lying.
I missed my period for two months and had tried to ignore the possibility that I was pregnant. I missed school for two days because I was sick throwing up when I decided I had to tell my mother what had happened. Her reaction was not one I had expected. She was cold towards me that day and many days following that. There was no discussion of what options were available to me. But I knew I didn't want to explore those options anyway. My mother made the appointment and we drove the hour and a half to the clinic before the sun was up.
We didn't speak about what happened for years. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about my story because my mother was acting as if it had never happened. I decided my mother and I needed to talk about what happened because I could tell it was affecting us both emotionally. I sat her down and told her I needed her to be there for me because I shouldn't have to deal with this alone or quietly. No one should ever be silenced or ashamed because of their abortion. No one should ever feel like they are alone in this situation." —Lindsey