In 1975 I was a virgin at 19...


"In 1975 I was a virgin at 19. I was naïve. Being 19 in 1975 was like being 13 nowadays. My 43 year old chemistry professor in college seduced me. Because I didn’t bleed much when we first had sex, he contended I had had sex with many others before him and told me that he “knew” it had been my father who broke my hymen. I couldn’t prove to him that my father was a decent man, a man who had respected my body throughout my life. I couldn’t prove to the professor that I was a virgin when I slept with him.

In my innocence, I wrote the professor a letter supplicating him to believe me: he was the first. My parents intercepted the letter getting proof I was having sex. They told him they’d tell the dean… that he’d lose his job. In addition, my parents made my life miserable, calling me a whore day and night. The professor proposed. Although my parents really didn’t want me to marry him, I ended up marrying him, out of rebellion, infatuation and lack of direction.

Within a couple of months I was pregnant and decided to have an abortion. The professor abused me in many ways during our 4 year marriage, but the worst one was when he stole cyanide from the university’s lab and poisoned my cat for biting the living room couch and leaving a tiny little hole in it. I finally got out from this nightmare: courage & grace were on my side.

In the last 35+ years I have regretted many many times not protecting my cat, but I have NEVER regretted having that abortion. I am very grateful I was able to go to a place where it was done safely and with dignity. Who knows where I’d be if I would have had a child from the psychopath I married.

If it wasn’t for that abortion I wouldn’t have been able to leave him, start my own exploration about who I am as a woman and why I was so attracted to such a hideous person. It was the abortion that opened doors for me so I could bloom and define what I really deserve in my life. 10 years after my divorce, I got everything I dreamt of: a good husband, a career, freedom and a harmonious home… thanks to Roe v Wade." —Awilda

#collegestudent #unhealthyrelationship #confidence #gratitude

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